Articles

Roccos Political Cartoons #2

Rocco Tenaglia, contributor   This one is a throwback, but it’s just too good of an idea to leave on the cutting room floor of my brain. Again, I am not an artist, so you’re going to have to just imagine this, but trust me, it’ll unleash a heaping helping of chuckles.   So it says 2010 on the first …

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Roccos Political Cartoons #1

Rocco Tenaglia, contributor   So there’s a big white house and there’s someone talking inside and saying something like, “But sir, you can’t blow them up, so many people will die!” and then the next panel is a little closer to a similar building and a different color text (because it’s a completely different guy talking) says, “Who cares! We’re …

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How They Make Award Trophies

Cornell Reid, staff   A lot of the trophies you see at the porno awards or the Latin Grammys or other award shows (I can’t think of any others right now) are actually very difficult to make. So I decided that, instead of talking about which award should be given to whom, I’d clue you in to how they actually …

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The Worst Rewards Offered for a Missing Pet

Cornell Reid, staff   Pets go missing each and every day. If you don’t believe me then take a quick stroll through your neighborhood and count the missing pet signs that are strewn up all over. You’ll find hundreds, if not thousands. People are missing iguanas, hamsters, crocodiles, and even the occasional cat or dog. Some people accurately monetize their …

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List Of Accomplishments: 2017

Jason Melton, contributor   Learned basics of video editing Got high score on every arcade game at Pizza Hut Learned to read Tarot cards, successfully predicted 3 celebrity deaths  Took up judo–after about a week, I bested my sensei, breaking his ribs. Dojo put my picture up in the place of his Got Bill Gates to name his yacht after …

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The Least Significant Awards of All Time

Gage Hensley, contributor   Awards are given to honor people’s achievements and express how much society appreciates the time and effort individuals have given to make a change. Unfortunately, not all praise is necessary. Here below are a few examples of acknowledgment being taken too far. The “I’m Vegan and Better Than Everyone” Award:  This award is given to anyone …

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Savage Henry’s Sexiest Dead Guys

Chaz Logan Hyde, contributor   Being sexy isn’t easy. I don’t think anyone ever said it was, and if they did, they’re an asshole.  But it’s even harder to be sexy if you’re dead. Here’s a collection of some of our drop dead sexiest, that very well could still be strutting their stuff in the upside down.   Hunter S. …

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The Rarest Steak of All

Zack Newkirk, staff   In order to impress my date that evening, I ordered my steak rare. The waiter gave me a look — which I took to mean, “Nice job, man. She’s impressed.” — and slithered away. I winked at my date. “Impressed?” I said. She looked confused.   We made small talk until the food arrived. I started …

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Raffle Prizes I’ve Won

A roll of raffle tickets Gift certificates for restaurants I hate Cum Clothes that don’t fit Gross wine A chance to enter a second raffle A bag of Dab samples (that was tight, actually) A shitty frisbee Karate lessons Free night in jail A two-year transferable degree

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OG Kush Voted “Best Strain” Among the Two I Can Afford

Aaron Pitcher, contributor   Despite the explosive proliferation of new marijuana strains in recent years, a perennial* favorite came out on top yet again Friday afternoon in a “heated” contest between the selections I, the author, could reasonably afford.   You see, this guy I know who knows this other guy who I also happen to know gets these two …

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