Articles

How To Grow Nugs

The easiest way to grow nugs or “Merry-hana” as it’s called in the dictionary is a process that involves many steps. It takes a true genius to grow nugs in this easy way. If you’re not a genius like me then you won’t even understand this 700-step process and you’ll be a loser for the rest of your life. Sorry …

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Long Lost Journal of Charles Darwin’s Brother Duane FOUND!

Derek Luna, contributor October 7, 1835  My continuing experimentations with herbs and plants will surely remove me from the long shadow my older brother Chuck has recently cast; with the publication of his most recent book, his fame and fortune grows; yet he seems unwilling to lend even a pence to his brother. No matter, I will continue my work …

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Six Edibles Deep

Edible 1 – The first one just kicked in. Fells like my center of gravity dropped out like in the middle of a dream I was having and that’s just the way it is. Why did I agree to this?   Edible 2 – Shouldn’t have gone to Safeway. I’m pretty sure I just ran into my son from the …

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Zorgulox Interview

Dash Kwiatkowski, contributor Savage Henry: Hi Zorgulox, thanks so much for doing this interview!  Tell us about yourself! Zorgulox: Greetings Savage Henry Readership. It is I, Zorgulox, crusher of flesh, devourerer of time, and harvester of souls. As you all know, I am a timeless, indestructible embodiment of evil, whose deeds have ruined countless worlds. I have done battle with …

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This SHITs for Reels – Passive Aggressive Edition

Michel Sargent, staff Gaslight (1944) coined the term for the psychotic jewel thief husband manipulating his wife to believe she’s sick and insane trope. A doctor tries to put her patient’s multiple personality pieces back together, revealing the psychological torture committed against Sybil (1976) in her extreme Christian upbringing of guilt trips, physical violence, and enemas with singing. Based on …

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Savage Henry’s Passive Aggressive Driving Tips

Are you an angry person? Do people infuriate you? Are you too afraid of what people will think to be actually aggressive? Don’t worry, there is a way of being a complete and utter asshole without dealing with the consequences. A way that will leave people saying, “I think you’re an asshole but I’m not 100% sure.” After talking to …

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Case Studies Show That Saying “Just Kidding” Greatly Reduces the Awareness that You’re an Asshole

Tiffany Greysen, contributor Communication is hard. Deciphering cryptic, hidden messages buried deep in a sentence riddled with passive aggressive words is not only confusing, it can lead to misunderstandings and a breakdown of trust between relationships. Recognizing that you’re being passive aggressive is the first step in fixing it. By learning to adjust a few key words and phrases you …

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How to Hack Hell

Let’s face it, we’re going to hell. You thought maybe you’d skate by because you gave some homeless chick you thought was hot a roach from your car’s ashtray a ride, but that’s really not gonna save you. We’re all falling down that dark hot hole deep far far down into the burning fire known as hell. So great, you’re …

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This SHITs for Reels – Technology Edition

Michel Sargent, contributor “Something’s not in orbit in this capital of the galaxy” says the gun-toting revolutionary Lemmy Caution upon entering Alphaville (1965). This French New Wave technocracy is run by a narrating supercomputer that decreed showing emotion gets you the death squad over a swimming pool with synchronized swimming. Blow that shit up! Filmed in Robo-Monstervision (Super-8!), Automatons (2006) …

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10 Signs Your Dad Hates You in a Passive Aggressive Way

He named his dog “My Son” and he punches it all the time. He lost your birth certificate so technically you can’t prove that you’re his son/daughter. When he’s talking to other people and you can barely make out what he’s saying you hear him say “I hate Nissan” but he’s really saying “I hate me son” (Also he’s Irish). …

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