Articles

It’s THE Hottest Way to Die

Adam Jacobs, contributor Hollywood has spoken, and the newest and hottest way to die is no longer the industry standard drug overdose… It’s Autoerotic Asphyxiation. Drug overdoses were all the rage for decades, with dozens of famous people dying at the top of their career. But, as we all know, Heath Ledger ruined all the mystique of an accidental drug …

Read More »

Six Beers Deep: Oktoberfest Festbier Lager

Oktoberfest Festbier Lager Ninkasi Brewing 5.9% ABV Das First Bier – So I know that it’s December and here I am writing about an Oktoberfest, but this was on sale, and I hadn’t tried it. But yeah, Ninkasi is known for their overhopped monstrosities that cater to a hipster college crowd in central Oregon. Damn, that sounded mean. I meant …

Read More »

The Edible Diaries

Billy Wayne Davis, contributor  ed note – This is a new ongoing column from comedian Billy Wayne Davis about his adventures after being given a “tub” of edibles by a comedy fan after performing in Humboldt in October. It will run every month until he returns for the 4th Annual Savage Henry Magazine Comedy Festival in late August. When I …

Read More »

Paul Danke – Dank

To say this is not a music review is a disservice because Paul Danke’s jokes are music to my ears. Danke released his semi self-titled debut comedy record Dank on A Special Thing records this month and his freewheelin’, off the cuff style makes it feel like you’re hanging out with a friend on a road trip. No, not that …

Read More »

Wine all you want

Spencer Devine, contributor One time I went grocery shopping with my parents at Trader Joe’s for the first week of the college semester. We got all the essentials: Cereal, milk, bread, yogurt, etc., and then we got to the wine and beer aisle. “Do you want a bottle of wine?” my father asked me as we passed the bottles of …

Read More »

Glengarry Glen Rossi: A Tale of Failed Marketing

Before we at Savage Henry had our vineyard repossessed by the IRS. (Apparently comedy magazines are not tax exempt and cannot be claimed as churches) We were in the beginning stages of a nationwide wine ad campaign. Here are the cream of the crop off wine slogans… well, at least the ones that don’t feature explicit sexual imagery or compromising …

Read More »

Think Inside the Box

OJ Patterson, contributor I only fux with boxed wine. It smashes bottles 10 times out of 10 —because it’s perfect. Squishy gland of red or white divinity, inconspicuously armored in ergonomic pragmatism. The bag: an electric sheep bota; a hardcore water balloon; an inglorious douche bag. The box: cardboard. Bottles are heavy. Bottles are frail. Bottles are for babies and …

Read More »

The First Timer’s Guide to Wine Tasting

So, your slightly fancier-than-you friends have invited you to a wine tasting. “Sounds nice,” you reply, before breaking into a cold sweat upon realizing that the only experience you’ve ever had with wine involved a jug of Carlo Rossi and a lot of crying to Dashboard Confessional. You want to be the kind of person who understands and appreciates wine …

Read More »

White Lady Hour

I fit the criteria for Wine Drinker: I’m a white lady. I’m not going to lie, I drink a shit-ton of Bota Box wine with Refreshe seltzer water. It is “my jam,” as the kids are saying these days. I can hardly make out their little squeaky voices because I am profoundly White Lady drunk. White ladies who are drunk …

Read More »

Other Uses for the Boxed Wine Bags

When you’re all done draining every delicious drop of merlot from your Peter Vella or Franzia box, don’t fret; your fun with the box is not over. Rip open the box like a 8-year-old on Christmas day and behold the wonderment of what’s inside: a clear plastic bag or a silvery mylar bag will appear all crumpled and useless, but …

Read More »