Articles

It’s “Emergency!” Credit Card

Andrea Bartunek, contributor A lot of people are careful with their money and a lot of people aren’t, but mostly everyone needs a little help from a credit card. Once in a while it’s nice to spend the money you technically don’t have. To help yourself feel less guilty, call this card your “emergency” credit card. The first step in …

Read More »

Vince Carter’s Raddest Dunks

I love basketball, and I love people who dunk basketballs through the basket hoop. Vince Carter was a guy who used to slam dunk like nobody’s business, and his travails are well-documented. Here follows a breakdown of Carter’s bests dunks. 5) November 12, 2005: Carter dunked hard on Alonzo Mourning, then wrapped his legs around Mourning’s neck, strangling him to …

Read More »

The Savage Henry Interview with Tyrannosaurus Rex

Samahtha Gilweit, contributor With the launch of the new Jurassic Park movie, Jurassic World, Universal Pictures’ marketing department used stem cell technology to actually reanimate a Tyrannosaurus Rex for the film’s launch and press tour. Savage Henry contributor, Samantha Gilweit sat down for a one-on-one interview with the infamous reptile. SH: Tyrannosaurus Rex, thanks so much for taking the time …

Read More »

Were Dinosaurs Born Gay or is Dino Society to Blame?

Let’s face it, we all know why dinosaurs went extinct: they were gay. See once a species is 100% gay not only do they stop reproducing, but god also sends a meteor crashing into Earth destroying all life. But are we to believe these liberal neo-scientists who claim that all dinosaurs were born gay, or are we to trust our …

Read More »

Ayurvedic Dinoscopes: Your Jurassic Star Sign’s Forecast for 2015

Sam Greenspan, contributor For the uninitiated, Dinoscopes are an alternative to alternative astrology’s alternative altar for reading the spheres. By consulting carbon data, our shamanic traditions have allowed us to calculate-ish the absolute precise-ish corresponding terrible arcane beast that directly corresponds to your common flavor of star sign. Be ready for an exciting 2015 through the lens of your new(ish)found …

Read More »

Supper In Uyghurville

I knew Severin Knowles was bad news from the first email, but this didn’t stop me from accepting sight unseen his dubious offer of housing, flight reimbursement and airport pick-up as part of a package employment deal with the English language newspaper he published in Beijing. The last promise made was the first he broke. My plane landed at 8, …

Read More »

The Flintstoners

We got a look at the treatment of the new cartoon that rips off the Flinstones by making it “420 friendly.” The changes are mainly in names of characters and other aspects of Bedrock like this: Fred’s last name is subtly changes from Flintsone to Flinstoners Barney’s last name goes from Rubble to Bubbler Bam Bam is now called Bammer …

Read More »

Dinosorta

Some things are almost dinosaurs. They are Dinosaurish. Dinosauresque. Here is a stupid list of these things since, from internet data, we know you people like lists. Chickens Did you know that there is a sack full of rocks inside of every chicken? That is the only thing I learned in high school Ag class. Old Smokers Every cigarette you …

Read More »

Ben’s 10 Volume LVII: The Dinosaurs of Rock

Lacking cultural significance or critical acclaim, many aging bands continue on past the prime of their careers. While some are sustained by older fans willing to purchase their sub-par new releases, others end up playing the county fair and casino circuit, their albums relegated to bargain bins. What exactly will it take before these aging rock veterans go the same …

Read More »