Articles

This SHITS for Reels – Money Edition

Mike Sargent, staff Jimmy Durante’s dying words after flying off a cliff sets forth teams of today’s leading comic actors and comedians in a hilarious race to find a wealth of cash buried in a park and It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963). Airplane! (1980) stole a lot of visual gags from this film! This romantic fast-talking witty …

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How to Show Him on Your First Date that You are a Strong Successful Stay-at-Home Ex-Wife and You are Not the Type Who Will Not Put up With Just any Engagement Ring

Tiffany Greysen, contributor It’s 2016 and the “Blood Diamond” weeping-heart crusade is finally fucking over. The time is here when we can finally call a spade a spade and a Diamondoid a Diamondoid. You are a strong, smart, brave feminist and you have learned to set boundaries. You no longer need your first ex-husband’s money; your parents (mostly) don’t support …

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How to Make $$$ FAST!!!

Hey you, want to make money? Good! Because money makes the world go round. Yup money is responsible for turning this perfectly flat earth of ours round and round like a Papa John’s chef tossing that hand made delicious dough that makes that robust flavorful pizza pie for us, the lucky and soon to be satisfied customer. If you want …

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Embezzling: America’s Greatest Pastime

Bruce Lynch, contributor Are you a criminal scumbag? Have found it difficult to generate wealth from the seedy underbelly of society? Ever think about playing it straight and getting a white collar job? Stop being an asshole! If you want to move up in the world you don’t have to land a white collar job, you just have to be …

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Escaping the Squalor of the 99%

William Toblerone, contributor Folks, the road to extreme wealth is all about trial and error. You have to persist. In my first attempt, I followed an ad that caught my eye while reading an Internet site about how to do sex better. The ad promised that I could get rich working at home for only 30 MINUTES A DAY!!!. That …

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The Werewolf of Wall Street (Excerpt)

I’m writing a new book that’s gonna blow Martin Scorsese’s dumbass movie out of the water. Here is a taste just to get you idiots pre-ordering my book and reviewing it on Amazon Prime and all the other important websites. Please enjoy! “Grrrrrrr,” growled the Wolfman named Gary. He was very angry because he couldn’t find the dang street he …

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Recipes for the Wealthiest Children in the World

Justin Alan, contributor Hello parents (or more likely, nannies), and welcome to a fun little adventure in cooking. I know cooking for children can sometimes be trying on the patience when you are one of the wealthiest parents (or more likely, work for the wealthiest parents and secretly daydream about framing them for fraud and evening the score a little), …

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Food Stamps to Fortune – A Comprehensive Guide

Zach Chappell, contributor Government provided food aid, while useful, isn’t actually the best stepping stone to a life of wealth and fortune. That is, until you start thinking about your food stamps differently. Here are a few ways you can take that fake money and turn it into something useful. For some of these methods you will have to spend …

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This SHITs for Reels – Beach Edition

Mike Sargent, staff “The annual migration of the idiot” is Welcome to Spring Break (1989) and the accompanying beachsploitation horror, Biker on spring breaker violence, corrupt city officials, T & A sexism, an annoying priest, and unholy death explosion by electrocution motorcycle. Not cool. An island bound ship with Little Richard harbors cheating art burglars with a stolen painting and …

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Dum Dum Suckers

Banks get a bad rap. Sure, some bankers have taken advantage of the poor and stolen from their customers, but generally speaking, banks ain’t so bad. Perfect example: free Dum Dum suckers at the clerk windows. Just right there, free, all the flavors of Dum Dum suckers for you to sample.  It’s a perfect example how banks respect their customers. Touching …

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