Articles

The Shoechucker: My Freedom Can Beat Up Your Freedom

Choada Salinas, contributor Our founding fathers invented freedom. America’s freedom is so awesome that everyone must sublimate to it, prostrate before it, and bear witness to the shock and awe that it demands. That’s why Chuck Norris is an American. His beard is a literal manifestation of American superiority. Behind every one of our freedoms is another freedom and we’re …

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Extreme Pet Owning

I snowboarded in Highschool and derbied while derby was young and for a sec in the early 2000s I was even a sponsored skateboarder. What an asshole I am! It had to do with having a low center of gravity and being kinda dumb. Now I’m older and nervous about breaking myself and so in the place of sport I …

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My Extremely Awesome Life

Tony Persico, contributor I have done so much with my extremely awesome life, the most interesting man in the world asks me what to do. I am an expert pilot, and am often seen doing loops and landing on runways. I avenged my brother’s death by single handedly wiping out several biker gangs, but the taste of revenge grew sour when …

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Mountain Dew Cocktails

While Mountain Dew has been seemingly relegated to those that think they’re snowboarders but actually just level up their orc hunter to 85, it’s time to make Mountain Dew X-TREMELY INTOCKSIKATIN’. Mountain Dewar’s 15 parts Mountain Dew 15 parts Dewar’s White Label Scotch Use this drink to show the ladies you’re X-TREME sophistication. Be sure to put the Dewar’s back …

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Lesser known facts about Evel Knievel 

Evel Knievel was 1/64th Cherokee Indian. Knievel got his first motorcycle at 13. Evel Knievel hated sushi. Evel Knievel loved Armenian food. My friend Brad was a really really big fan of Evel Knievel. His cane actually was a custom made flask which he always kept full of Wild Turkey. He had a tattoo of a walrus on the bottom …

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Old Timey X-Games

While watching the X-Games last year I saw that they used the Roman numeral XVII after it. Now I’m no scholar or nothing, but I think the Roman numeral XVII is like a lot, like hundreds. So I did a little research and found out some of the original sports in the earlier X-Games. X-Games IIR Extreme Crusading Why just …

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Ben’s 10 Volume XXXVII: A Lesson in Extreme Metal

Heavy metal has never seen a more extreme time than the early 1990s. A whole scene emerged out of Scandinavia and became notorious due to rampant satanism, anti-Christianity sentiments, church burnings and homicides. There was even a vocalist from a band called Mayhem who killed himself, leaving a note that read “excuse all the blood.” In a type of self-fulfilling …

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SNEAK PEEK: Beth the Bounty Hunter – Beth In Show

I texted Dog the Bounty Hunter the other day to see what he’s been up to. His answer, “A LOT BROTHER!!!” Evidently he is editing his wife’s new autobiography. You see, he already released his own very successful book of which I’ve read through several times (I absolutely love the pictures in the middle) so now he’s editing to make sure …

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Kooking Korner: xTREME Cuisine

“If it’s something that can be misspelled with a K, I’ll write about it!”  We’ve all experienced it before: you cook up Bresse chicken-liver terrine or a powerhouse take on coq au vin, and your guests yawn at the results. Let me tell you: It can be downright maddening. But it may just be that you haven’t gotten XTREME enough …

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Home Owner’s Association Letter

Chris Acosta, contributor Ed-note – a few months ago one of our writers received violations from his home owner’s association. The following is his reply: I have done the following to rectify the violation (loose fence boards and cable wire being a different color than the house) stated in the letter. On April 12 at 3 p.m. I began my …

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