Articles

Dr. Shoechucker: In Defense of Patriarchy

Choada Salinas, contributor Face it – if it weren’t for men you wouldn’t be here. Even if your father was the kind of rolling stone that left you nothing but alone, he is still the primary reason for your existence. Women may be the ones giving birth but it’s men who provide the seed. Therefore, it’s really men who harbor …

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How Good of a Dad are You?

I have no children, but I’ll assess your paternal instinct anyway! 1) You’re looking for a movie to watch for family movie night, so you fire up the ol’ Netflix to pick something out. Which is more suitable for three kids of ages ranging from 5 to 8, one of which has a bedwetting problem? A) Finding Nemo B) Kids …

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My Father Said Things I Submitted to S.H.I.T.

Patrick Perkins, contributor My dad wasn’t a terrible guy and, though not a professor, he isn’t an idiot either. Considering he served on the Enterprise (though not under Kirk or Picard), he’s been to prison, was a logger, and now he runs his own farm. He’s an interesting guy. Over my life he’s given me some really great pearls of …

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The Truth Behind Those IN-N-OUT Verses

Everyone loves In-N-Out Burger. No matter where you travel in the Central Valley or down south, In-N-Out Burgers are always crowded. The Eddie Haskell-like employees, the limited menu, the freshness….whatever it is, In-N-Out is where it’s at. But have you ever noticed that their packaging has different Bible verses printed on the bottom or sides? Well we  thought we’d do the …

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Movie Review: “Willow Creek”

I had the luxury of watching the premier of Bobcat Goldthwait’s latest directorial effort, “Willow Creek,” at Arcata Theater Lounge. For those not in the know, “Willow Creek” is a Blair Witch-esque found footage movie about a couple who goes deep into the woods of Humboldt County searching for the original spot where Roger Patterson and Robert Gimlin shot the iconic …

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Savage Henry’s Most Eligible Bachelor

Emily Hobelmann, contributor Savage Henry Magazine recently broadened its horizons out beyond the Redwood Curtain, and guess what we found out there… Hot single men like our June bachelor — hottie with the body. Reader, please meet… Edgar, 37, double-job ninja — shipping manager + server; Loomis.  E-money’s got his shit together. Straight up. He’s definitely not a man-child, and …

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Frankenstein is Your Daddy

Michael Sargent, contributor Dr. Frankenstein can be considered the daddy of all monster daddies’. From the mind of a teenage Mary Shelley, Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus (Prometheus is a trickster deity credited with creating a man from clay though purists will fittingly point out that Athena did breath them to life), and published in 1918, no monster creator has been imitated …

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The Words of My Father

Corin Balkovec, contributor    Growing up, my father taught me many things: Algebra, how to drive a car, various types of home repair. But out of everything, the one skill that has been his biggest gift has been learning how to swear. Yes, knowing how to drive a car is useful, but learning how to call someone a “dumbfuck” while …

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Sigmund Schlomo Freud The father of modern Psychology

Sigmund Freud’s middle name and nickname through elementary school was Schlomo. It was a tradition on his fathers side and one his father absolutely insisted upon. The tauntings and bullying and one particular incident where “SCHLOMO IS A HOMO” was sharpied on his forehead led to young Sigmund’s deep hatred and murderous feelings for his father who really was a …

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Makin’ Dads

I made two people fathers. My own, being a first child, and another one for whom I bore a couple of children. For the hours preceding this gross miracle these two men were together at the Mexican restaurant down the road drinking Tequila. I only hold it against the guy whose child was coming out of me because it seems like that’s …

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