Articles

A Savage Henry Classic: “The Quiet Menace of B.S.C.O.O.T.B.”

by Health page editor Dr. Jeffrey Calhoun (from the April 1953 issue of Savage Henry)  Hello again from the hallowed halls of medicine, readers. I want to talk to you today about a very serious medical condition that’s affecting more and more Americans at an alarming rate. Why, the first time I read about in a whites- only medical journal, …

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Timeline of Scientific Achievement

Tony Persico, contributor This timeline focuses on the most important and most influential achievements, inventions, and advances that have occurred over the last 200 years. I performed several minutes of research to ensure that every detail is factually accurate, because I care enough to educate as well as entertain. But then I got bored around the year 2000 and stopped …

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Dr. Shoechucker: The Science of God’s Love

Choada Salinas, contributor Considering all this blasphemy about whether or not those godless heathen homos should be allowed to wed under the same holy institution that has given me my three wives and 16 children, it only stands to reason that I would be angry. How dare the state afford the same rights to people who like different sex than …

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Fancylad in All of Us: My Dreamed up Conversation with Chris Elliott

Josh: Hey Chris Elliott, thanks for being in my dreams and stuff. Out of all the quasi- washed up stars that would insert themselves into my unconscious mind, I never thought it would be you, the Fancy Lad from Cabin Boy. Chris Elliott: I’m not even going to begin to ask how I got here, and I’ve totally done stuff since …

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Food Review: The Flavors of Purina Fancy Feast Cat Food

I’m assuming I was volunteered for the task of sampling and reviewing cat food for several reasons. First off, I’m a large man and enjoy eating pretty much anything. There’s also the fact that this is the “Fancy” issue and there happens to be a brand of gourmet feline cuisine with that name. I also enjoy stroking a pussy and …

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Slassy

Daryl Lee Creach, special contributor Y’know, some of us ain’t never gonna be near nothin’ we call fancy, but that don’t mean we cant put some of that class up all in here. Now we ain’t white trash or nuthin, but just cuz we here all know the taste of possum, and have even thought of writin’ a book full …

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I always light my bitches cigarettes: A GuIde to Fancy Smokes

Kim Hodges, contributor Cigarettes make us cooler and more desirable in the eyes of hobos, and God damn they feel great in our lungs. There’s nothing I love more than standing against a brick wall with one leg bent, leaning like I don’t give a shit, and inhaling as if no one walking by could understand the power of how …

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How to tie a tie

Rob McManus, cotnributor Step one: Get a tie from the store. Ties are expensive, so your best bet would be to steal it. What I do is I make sure the coast is clear, and then I cram the tie in-between my butt cheeks. Make sure to do a good job wiping your ass prior to this, because one time …

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