Articles

A Very Special Father’s Day Episode

Why aren’t there many Father’s Day episodes of sitcoms? Well, we here at Savage Henry did some research. We may have found the reason. The following are scene transcripts from unaired Father’s Day episodes. They paint a pretty grim Father’s Day picture. Enjoy. Happy Days (Inside the Living room of the Cunningham house. Mr. Cunningham is sitting in his chair …

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Father

Justin Alan, contributor My father story can be quite depressing. Seeing as this is typically a humor and/or comedy oriented magazine I will get the bummers out of the way up front, and then we can all have a nice fart and be on with the article. When I was 16 years old (I’m 25 now) my father killed himself. …

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Real-life Sports Figures with names That sound like Star Wars Characters

Star Wars was a great movie. The action, the thrills. And, my gosh: The romance! But did you know that there are many professional athletes in our actual real world whose names SOUND like those of Star Wars characters? This isn’t a joke. Behold: Tuukka Rask, NHL goaltender, Boston Bruins Greivis Vasquez, NBA point guard, New Orleans Pelicans Shawn “Grand …

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Dad Was A Big Man

John Dooley, contributor There’s always going to be someone With a bigger dick than you Dad told me as I looked up to him There will always be someone Stronger Better looking With more money A better car A prettier woman Bigger house Who tells funnier jokes Knows more important people Who’s been there first Who is smarter Luckier Someone …

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PAID ADVERTISEMENT

Ad space sold by Zack Newkirk  Christianmingle.com, Jdate.com, Cougarlife.com, FarmersOnly.com and Blackpeoplemeet.com — these exclusionary sites have all revolutionized the internet dating industry, allowing a person to choose from singles from his or her own select group of people. But where are all the good white singles in your community? Maybe it’s time you took a look at Meetwhitesonly.com. Meetwhitesonly.com …

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Some Helpful Tips From My Father on How to Raise Your Clone

Andre Parker, cotnributor Few people know this about me but I’m actually a clone. A clone of a clone to be exact. I am but one thread of many that create a genetic tapestry that was passed on from my father from his father and from his father before him. And much like my father taught me, I must teach …

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Graduation Ads That Missed Deadline

As a respectable publication in all the communities where we’re distributed we offer a service to local high schools to run graduation congratulations that weren’t turned in on time to be published in the yearbooks. So please enjoy and join in on congratulating these hard working students.        

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Ben’s 10 Volume XXXVIII: Popular Musicians and Their Daddy Issues

Jessica Simpson The following is a direct quote by Joe, Jessica’s dad. “Jessica never tries to be sexy, she just is sexy. If you put her in a t-shirt or you put her in a bustiere, she’s sexy in both. She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!” Mackenzie Phillips Starting from the times she was nineteen, Mackenzie has …

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Letter from A. Broad (Think Before You Stink)

Dear Squirtle I mean Myrtle (fuck you), My mom used to have the biggest ass. I called it, “Dad.” My dad was a real fucker. That’s how he became my dad! Most Dads are fuckers, and all the rest are just “jerks” (squirt squirt). If you’re really thinking about becoming a father, you’re at least a step ahead of most the other “Spontaneous Cum Busters” …

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The Time I Dressed Up Like A Dad and Ate Hot Wings At The Strip Club

Bryn Robertson, contributor  There are a few things to pay attention to when dressing in drag at a strip club. Number one: The further you look from the photo on your identification card, the better. Make no apologies and stand up straight. If there’s one thing my Dad still nags me about, it‘s good posture. Number two: Get your mustache …

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