Articles

80s TV Shows & Their Unintended Legacies

Diff’rent Strokes   Wealthy old white guy adopts two black kids from the ghetto; fish- out-of-water antics ensue ad nauseum.   Legacy: Introduced a curse on child TV actors that lasts to this day. Also: A mind- boggling windfall for masturbation humorists. Saved By The Bell Follows the exploits of a clique of privileged white kids attending a California high …

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The first time I got stoned I was 8…

My next door neighbor lived quite a ways away and ours was a friendship of convenience. Her dad was a hippie biker veteran who was always acquiring large, strange animals and keeping them in the pasture between our houses. He is the reason my best friend was an emu for a stretch, but that is another story entirely. I’ll title …

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Road Rage: Deadly Dumbass Distractions

the Angry driver, Contributor Because driving is a goddamn massive and fucking serious responsibility involving other lives, your only option is to take specific and immediate steps toward driving responsibly. Of course you don’t do that. Instead, you send texts and update your online status while staring in the mirror, trying to make yourself look less like a Eureka meth …

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Countdown to harvest…

Things are coming along steadily. you are starting to see and smell the fruits of your sweaty labor. Civilians smell it, too … it’s almost time to post up, get sticky, do a line or two of coke and make some sitting-down money. take these steps now to lube your harvest situation when it’s time Growers… 1) Dump your steady …

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If at first you completely suck…

Milo Shumpert-Appel, Contributor I feel as though I’ve been stuffed inside a body bag and dragged by horses over uneven terrain. My stomach bubbles with all the elegance of a week-old stew left in the sun and heavy on the red meat and hot peppers. As the coffee and Tylenol settle, all I can think about is how badly I …

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Advice for the lovelorn, curious or just plain confused

Dear Dr. Love, “Jenny” and I have been in a committed relationship for just more than two years. While on a Carnival cruise last September, I asked her to marry me. She hesitated a little longer than I would have liked, but ultimately she said yes. I’ve rented out a Healdsburg winery for our Thanksgiving wedding. I have taken care …

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TRUTH IN ADVERTISING: The United States of America Western states edition

What if the United States were held to the same standards of truth in advertising as toothpaste or laundry detergent? A Savage Henry investigation.  Oregon “Hey, what do you think you’re doing? Get back in your car, dude. We man the pumps around here. “I won’t check the oil or put air in your tires, but I will expect a …

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A Bride in the Dusk, a Thief in the Night (from “Istanbul Sketches”)

James Tressler, Contributor Istanbul is a city best seen from the Bosphorous at dusk, so if you ever get invited for an evening boat cruise, jump at the chance. My chance came in the form of a wedding. Our neighbor, Osman, who sells bottled water in a small shop next to our flat, invited us recently to the wedding of his son, …

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Anime Aphrodisiac

John Elderly, Contributor I know there are others out there who are just like me — desperate and anxious to find those rare opportunities to obtain gems from the past. I am, of course, speaking about the plastic crap of yesteryear sitting on thrift store shelves in Humboldt … huddled together with more brick-a-brack than Grandma’s living room. My specific …

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Thieving Varmints

Lucy Castle, Contributor It must suck to have to buy back personal property from a pawn shop: the haggling, the inflated prices and seeing your initials — written in Sharpie by your own hand — on the stolen goods you already bought once and for which you now have to fork out more money. And let’s not forget the violation …

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