Dave Losso, contributor
Heed our words.
No longer will mashed potatoes not be “out of control;” no longer will a quesadilla not be “off the chain.” There are no chains, there are no masters. Vegetables will give you diarrhea and sunglasses belong in the back. Your corrupt FDA has come for your rightful donkey sauce but we swarm like a pack of locusts upon a combination Taco Bell/Pizza Hut. We will shine a light and that light will cook our deep fried alligator nachos to a level just safe enough to avoid E. coli. We will breath the sweet smell of freedom and queso stuffed inside of a watermelon. We will snap the chains of oppression with two very large, unsafe bites. We are the future, we are legion, we are diners, we are drive-ins and we are dives. End of transmission.