Craigslist: Biggest Bang for Your Buck in Written Entertainment

The greatest local drama is played out in the misspelled posts on Craigslist every day. It’s like watching a soap opera with a bag over your head. You even get to know the heavy posters and their personalities, most of whom are obnoxious, but at least entertaining. The simple
blue on white website is universal, comforting, and the biggest source of free gay porn in the country.Aquarterinchawayfrom “HostingyoungBottom”isalinkto“SuzieSave-the-World”’s postforafree box of socks, hangers, candle stubs and cat toys, “Must Take All”. Isn’t diversity amazing?

The greatest and most entertaining gems lie in the Missed Connections category. On a single day I had the pleasure of informing both a good looking homeless-corner-sign girl AND the dready counter gal at Kabob Café that someone unknown was lusting after them.

“You are a missed connection this week” is something we’d all love to hear. I had one once. It was the highlight of my month and it sparked the love affair I currently have with craigslist. (not the poster).

The popular favorite right now is someone called the “Nor Cal Tattoo Hottie.” He is apparently being stalked by a group of younger, post-happy girls who repeatedly admit to not care that he’s taken.

“We saw you getting Gas today!!!! and then we saw you at the gym wich you havent been there for awhile Whats with that? we miss are “eye candy” =)and yes we do know you have a GF but shes gonna have to live with the fact there is a certain group of girls out there that cant wait to be all over you =) hope to see you tomorrow Baby! =)”

I assume that this guy’s girlfriend CAN spell, and that’s why he stays. The coffeehouse I am sitting in right now just got a missed connection. Thank you investigative story gods!

Ramone’s Bakery staff –m4w
“You: dark hair, tattoos, slight gap between your front teeth..:-)
Me: Tall white male, short brown hair. I bought a painting off the wall recently. I’ve only been in there twice, but both times I was rather captivated. There was something about you, and I’d like to find out more.”

I waited for everyone behind the counter to bare their teeth, which took quite a while, actually, and bingo. I had to do some heavy explaining not to sound like a psycho.

Her name was Erin. Just Erin, for safety reasons. “I guess I remember talking to him, but not what he looked like. My coworker told me about it. I read Missed Connections too, but he saw it first,” Erin said. She didn’t have plans to respond to the post. “I think they’re hilarious. A lot of times they’re about someone you know so that makes it funny.”

The Rants and Raves section is a breeding ground for stupidity, but occasionally someone has something good to post. They know who robbed their neighbors car or they had a bad experience with a local business and want us to learn from it. Sometimes they post a clip to a YouTube video. This, I think, is one guy.

“The YouTube guy”. He was on a Rolling Stones kick for a while, and reminded me about the video for “Waiting on a friend” that I forgot I liked. Mostly, though, it’s anti/pro pot stuff, anti/pro pitbull stuff, conspiracy musings, anonymous defamation and people who don’t quite grasp the format of the limerick, I.e.:

“There once was a town called Eureka. It was perfect til all of the bums. Came rushing on board in sums. Now all we have here r slums!”

Right now Craigslist posters are hating on 6 Rivers Property Management. A while ago it was the pet store next to Central Skateboards in McKinleyville. For a little while the Humboldt Craigslist world was upset with someone called Shaner who had broken hearts and lied her way through a bunch of girlfriends who all were in agreement on what a rotten person she was. This one was especially juicy and bounced from the personals to rants and raves.

But the best and worst part of Craigslist, is the m4m section. Por-nog-ruh-fee! Which is fun. Under any posting with a pic, you will see the member or bottom of a poster hoping to entice a reader. Under the w4w posts with a pic you will find rainbow flags or unicorns. Oh the divide.

And I’d like to leave you with this week’s fave:

Need an Egg to Fertilize -27 (Eureka) HEY LADIES!
“I’m 27 and my sperm are rotting as
we speak… I need to have a family, and hopefully soon. I have a good job and I am an Army veteran. Let’s get to know eachother… and if you’re deemed worthy, I may allow you to carry my young. 🙂 This is not a joke, I am having a crisis and I am worried that I am getting too old to have a family.

Walk-ins Welcome Monday-Saturday 12noon-8pm

I have all my teeth, if that helps any… Write me back, please! 🙂 Oh, and if you’re wondering if I am good looking… I was once a K-mart model… Talk to you soon!”

About Sarah Godlin

Sarah Godlin, one of the creators of Savage Henry, lives in the heart of Humboldt County, California. She has a bit of a Napoleon Complex, but all in all is a hell of a gal. She's responsible for the fold-in's, Catty Mean Girl, the Monthly Confessions, The parental Warning, many features and a grip of the other funny that make Savage Henry so great. She also wrangles writers. If you think you're a funny writer, get a hold of her. She can loud whistle, play harmonica and back a trailer into a tight space. She's a lefty and a Clippers fan. She's also a Raiders fan but don't hold that against her, she enjoys winning just as much as the next person. You can follow her on Twitter! You can send her emails! You can send her presents! 791 8th Street, Suite 5 Arcata, Ca 95521

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