Crazy Bread: A Descent Into Madness

(excerpts from a diary written by an unknown loaf of bread)


Day 1: Oh boy! Dough no more. Look at me, a fresh loaf just straight chillin’ on the shelf.


Day 3: A lot of the loads I cooled with are gone. Don’t know where they went, but it’s cool.


Day 6: They moved me today, to the “Day Old” shelf…whatever that means. All my friends are either dead or croutons.


Day 8: I tried yeast today….


Day 11: Big hair spiders man….Yeast, you got some? I’ll suck your dick for some yeast man…


Day 65: I woke up in a rubber room today. I must have been on one, though I don’t believe I did half the shit they said I did. The zoo? Naked? I must have at least had my crust on. I have a couple roommates here, though they don’t speak too much English. Taco Loco and Burrito Loco are there names. I think they’re related.


Day 68: There are bugs all over me! Get them off! Wha? Mommy? Building 7?


Day 94: The mold….Oh God! The mold.

About Chris Durant

Chris Durant has worked at not working for decades. He's the publisher of Savage Henry Magazine.

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