Dating Advice from Super Famous Scientists

Let’s be honest, dating is hard for everyone. Most of us are just too damn stupid to figure it all out. That’s why we here at Savage Henry are giving you the chance to ask the most famous and smartest people in the world some hard hitting questions. So sit back and get some answers about everything from hitting it off to hitting private parts in the sack.

Dear Super Famous Scientists,
I really would like to get a girlfriend but I can’t seem to talk to the opposite sex! All of my friends are so good
at impressing girls by doing cool stuff like shooting a basket or skating a board. Every time I attempt to win a girl’s heart I always end up embarrassing myself. Do you have any tips on how I can win a girls affection by doing something impressive?
Signed,
Grade A. Loser

Dear Grade A. Loser,
When I want to impress a girl I just invent the light bulb. Signed,
Thomas Edison

Dear Super Famous Scientists,
I have a lot of trouble communicating with my partner. When we sit down to dinner we end up just eating in silence. I’m worried that I’ve done something wrong
and I want to get some answers but I just can’t get the conversation started! Do you have any tips on how I might better communicate with my sexy mate?
Signed,
Not A. Talker

Dear Not A. Talker,
You know what is GREAT for communicating? Dick pics! Nothing cracks off a conversation like a lasting image of your rock hard ding-dong. If I didn’t have dick pics I would have never been able to marry my cousin.
Signed,
Albert Einstein

Dear Super Famous Scientists,
I’m having trouble finding a man. I work long hours
and am usually way too exhausted to go out after work searching for a lover. Sometimes I think I’ll end up a crazy cat lady like my veterinarian which scares me so much. Do you have any tips on how to find the guy of my dreams? Signed,
Needs 2. Bone 

Dear Needs 2. Bone,
Finding stuff isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. For instance, I found radium and now I’m dead. Sincerely,
Marie Curie

Dear Super Famous Scientists,
I currently have a girlfriend and we’re doing very well. Recently we have been kissing pretty hard and I’m scared she is going to start pressuring me to have sex. I personally think we should wait until marriage before I make love for the first time, but she wants to do it now. How do I convince her that I’m not ready?
Signed,
Pure N. O’cence

Dear Pure N. O’cence, U R A VIRGIN LOL!!! Signed,
Louis Pasteur

Dear Super Famous Scientists,
How do you guys keep writing us back when you’re all dead? This whole thing seems pretty creepy if you ask me.
Signed,
Spook E. Guy

Dear Spook E. Guy,
How are you grown up yet still such a fucking asshole? Signed,
Charles Darwin

About Cornell Reid

Cornell is a super funny dude who consistently cracks everyone he comes into contact with up. He kinda has the midas touch but for laughs not gold, which is way way less valuable. Cornell grew up in Arcata and everyone said he was "hella tight." Now he lives in LA where he is a very popular stand-up comedian. All of his audiences refer to him as "hella tight." The president recently held a press conference where he said "the country may be going to shit but at least Cornell is hella tight."

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