Dino Hospital and Other Extinct FOX Shows

The year was 1991 and ABC’s Prehistoric sitcom Dinosaurs was taking America by storm.  Not to be outdone, the FOX network ordered research into this dinosaur television phenomenon.  The following is a list of unaired and canceled dinosaur-themed shows on FOX from 1991-1995.

Ty Rexinton: Dinosaur Attorney
This show only lasted three episodes before cancellation when it became clear that a dinosaur with a law degree and cigar habit was too much awesome for this world. Canceled before the catch phrase “RWWWWAR is the sound of justice” could catch on.

The NFL (with Dinosaurs)
Canceled after it became evident that cloning football-playing dinosaurs were too great a risk to humanity. In addition, Velociraptors lacked the timing and rhythm that is needed to execute passes in the west coast offense.

TriceraCOPS
This gritty crime drama was axed after its fourth episode. Star Tony Danza was one of several injured during a good cop-dinosaur cop interrogation scene.

Jose Canseco vs the Cretaceous
Canceled after 2 episodes because no matter how many times it was explained to him, the Oakland A’s slugger couldn’t accept the fact that dinosaurs were extinct.  Some say that on quiet nights you can still hear Jose Canseco looking for dinosaurs to fight.

Kevin Bacon or a Pterodactyl
This quirky game show that asked contestants if the picture they were looking at was famous flying dinosaur from the Jurassic period or Footloose star Kevin Bacon. It lasted six episodes until it became clear to FOX that no one could tell the difference between the two.

Dinos After Dark: An Erotic Journey 65 Million Years in the Making
Pilot never aired. No matter how lonely viewers in the flyover states appear, no one wants to watch dinosaur sex, no matter how tastefully done.

 

About Josh Argyle

Josh Argyle is a Stand-up comedian and writer. He is the San Francisco bureau chief of Savage Henry Independent Times and contributing writer. He is a co-producer of the S.H.I.Ts and giggles comedy festival in Arcata California. You can check out Joshs website josh-argyle.com for videos and show dates. Are you still reading this? Jesus we are in a recession, go out and invent some shit.

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