Were Dinosaurs Born Gay or is Dino Society to Blame?

Let’s face it, we all know why dinosaurs went extinct: they were gay. See once a species is 100% gay not only do they stop reproducing, but god also sends a meteor crashing into Earth destroying all life.

But are we to believe these liberal neo-scientists who claim that all dinosaurs were born gay, or are we to trust our God given instinct which tells us that dino society made them all choose same sex partners? Let’s take a hard look at the evidence.

 

  1. Dinosaurs lived 243 million years ago and went extinct 66 million years ago. Being alive in that time frame means that they were alive during the year 69,696,969 BC also known as, without a doubt, the gayest year on earth. This year is also shortly before all dinosaurs mysteriously went extinct. Is that because a giant crop of gay dinosaurs were born that day or because dinosaurs looked at their calendars and thought “all these numbers give me an idea of something I want to try with a member of the same sex.” We’ll have to dig deeper to find out.

  2. There were no hairy dinosaurs. Since there were no hairy dinosaurs there were no bear dinosaurs and thus no bear dinosaur community. Since gay dinosaurs never evolved to a hairy dinosaur to fulfill this necessary subsect of a gay community, it makes me think that maybe society made them gay because if they were born gay they surely would have evolved into bear dinosaurs. So done deal, right? Maybe not, because…

  3. Some dinosaurs are more sexually attractive to me than others. I mean have you seen a male triceratops? Those sleek sexy three horns and sensual eyes leave me burning with desire. Also the male brontosaurus should be renamed brontosoreass because they make my ass sore with horniness. They have those shapely bodies and long tongues that make me wish I was a tree branch for them to nibble on. So maybe dinosaurs were born gay and evolved to look more desirable as a defense mechanism for same sex predators. But then again, if that were true then those same sex predators were probably born straight and then made gay by their highly evolved, sexy prey. However, I don’t find all dinosaurs attractive…so what does that mean? A layman would probably say that this proves that not all dinosaurs were gay, but that is absurd. The dinosaurs I don’t find attractive are obviously all lesbians (see the lickalotopus and the t-rex)

  4. Dinosaurs started as eggs. Is it possible for an egg to be gay? Wait am I gay? I guess…maybe for dinosaurs at least. Wow that’s crazy. Was I born gay for dinosaurs, or did this article turn me gay for dinosaurs? Oh shit…I guess it doesn’t matter, I should probably just break the news to my girlfriend. This is going to be a difficult conversation. Welp, this is it, time to start a new life.

In conclusion, are dinosaurs born gay or is dino society to blame? Who knows, but I think we can all agree that I love dino dicks.

About Cornell Reid

Cornell is a super funny dude who consistently cracks everyone he comes into contact with up. He kinda has the midas touch but for laughs not gold, which is way way less valuable. Cornell grew up in Arcata and everyone said he was "hella tight." Now he lives in LA where he is a very popular stand-up comedian. All of his audiences refer to him as "hella tight." The president recently held a press conference where he said "the country may be going to shit but at least Cornell is hella tight."

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