Mike Spiegelman, contributor
Don’t show up. Then, at the last minute, show up.
Show up but be a fucking dick about it.
Don’t look at your phone.
Win Grand Prize Trophy. Demand you also want a Participation Trophy.
Ask to receive the Participation Trophy last because you double booked ceremonies and you have another ceremony earlier. Show up on time and ask to go first since the other ceremony is later.
Realize this will be your only trophy in life.