Everything I Needed to Know About Life I Learned From Cartoon Catchphrases

Keith D, contributor

Dr. Albert walks into the waiting room where Keith anxiously awaits news about his friends who were in a horrible accident.

Dr. Albert: Hey, hey, hey!

Keith (with grave concern): What’s up Doc?

Dr. Albert: They’re Greeeat!

Keith (exuberant): Happy happy Joy Joy!

Dr. Albert: D’oh!

Keith (confused): Zoinks?

Dr. Albert (rubbing together thumb and forefingers (expecting payment)): Dough…

Keith (shocked): Well I’ll be doggoned…

The two argue some more about payment then Dr. Albert runs into the patient’s’ room and threatens to pull the plug on one of Keith’s friends.

Dr. Albert: Respect my authority!

Keith: You’re despicable!

Dr. Albert: Oh good grief. I am what I am.

Dr. Albert pulls the plug and Keith watches as his friend’s life machine slowly dies out.

Life Machine: Beep-beep——

Keith: Oh my God, you killed Kenny!

Dr. Albert: I hate varmints.

Keith (putting up fists): It’s clobbering time!

The two men have a tremendous battle all over the hospital room. As great of a fighter as Keith is, Dr. Albert knows all the ins and outs of the hospital room and manages to corner Keith against a wall and operating table. The mad Doctor approaches Keith with a syringe full of poison. Just as he nears, the door flies open and a very attractive, full-bosomed nurse enters and knocks the Doctor to the ground with her enormous breasts.

Keith: Hello nurse!

Sexy Nurse: Finish him.

Keith grabs the syringe and injects it into Dr. Alberts’ buttocks.

Dr. Albert (dying): You won’t get away with this. I am smarter than the average bear!

The nurse looks at Keith D. longingly.

Keith: Well blow me down!

The nurse gladly goes down on our hero and gives him the best blowjob he had all day. She swallows his huge load. Then they have hours of anal sex and Keith busts another huge load.

Keith: Yabba Dabba Doo!

Sexy Nurse: I need TP for my bunghole.

Keith: That’s all folks!

Looney Tunes music starts playing, fade out into circle, Fin.

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