Bruce Lynch, contributor
Thank you for your interest in booking your field trip to Kensington Pumpkin Farm! We are the #1 choice for fall school field trips for Little Rock and surrounding areas, so come out and see why! The fee is $9 per child, including a free 2-4 lb pie-pumpkin. There is no admission charge for teachers, limit two per class. We require one chaperone for every three children. A $25 deposit is required to hold your reservation.
Any inappropriate or disrespectful behavior will not be tolerated. If any student is found damaging property the school will be asked to leave and will not be allowed to return. Also, the school will be responsible for reimbursement.
Any disparaging comments made about Kensington Pumpkin Farm or the pie-pumpkins therein will be treated as hostile. Reciprocating insults will be administered to each child and/or chaperone by the pumpkin morale committee.
Any negative online reviews written for Kensington Pumpkin Farm or any activities performed during the school field trip (including but not limited to the hay ride, petting zoo, and giant fun slide) will be considered libel. The pumpkin image preservation team will draft a retaliatory review of the offending party, which shall be burned into the lawn of their residence or place of work as the situation warrants.
Any child caught destroying pie-pumpkins will be subject to a hearing before the grand pumpkin tribunal, where sentences levied may include a time out, being barred from participating in the fun-time pumpkin parade, or being sacrificed to the pumpkin lord Araknu (praise be to him). If Araknu is displeased by the sacrificed soul the remaining students and chaperones will be sacrificed in turn until the pumpkin lord’s wrath has abated. If the entirety of the group is sacrificed in such a manner (as is historically the case) the $25 deposit will be forfeit.
We hope you, your students, and parents have a fantastic time, and thank you for considering Kensington Pumpkin Farm for your trip!
Yours in Araknu, The Kensington Family