Gender Neutral “Women Be Shopping” Jokes

So you’re out hanging with some friends and you have a great joke you want to tell them. You get all the way through the joke and instead of cracking up all your friends they look horrified. Uh oh, your joke wasn’t funny; it was stupendously offensive! This is a scenario that happens to all of us. Are you tired of losing your friends? Do you want to make people laugh instead of making them hate you? Maybe it’s time to examine our favorite jokes and update them to fit today’s PC culture.

Every joke I tell in person starts the same way: “Women Be Shopping.” A premise as old as time that has gotten us thousands of laughs, millions of yuks, and billions of hahas. However, today, in 2016, this premise just doesn’t seem to cut it anymore because it plays off of the hundreds of years of oppression that we’ve forced down women’s throats. So now that women have a voice, and I’m tired of losing all my friends, we have to update our hilarious jokes to make them a little more PC. That’s why I have updated this classic premise to be gender neutral so you can tell all your friends the same uproarious jokes without the fear of offending anyone. So read them, have a laugh, and be ready to tell your friends at your next social gathering.

Women Be Shopping!
Also men be shopping. Also men who identify as women be shopping and women who identify as men be shopping. Also those of the third gender, they be shopping as well. Consumerism and democracy are both based on people shopping.

Women and Men Be Shopping!
But can you blame them? With all the great clothes at such low, low prices you can hardly afford NOT to buy all these amazing new styles. Plus, women can wear suits and men can wear dresses, so when they walk into a clothing store they can literally buy anything. I don’t believe in clothing sections based on gender, but I do believe in savings!

Women and Men Be Shopping!
Although you could argue that men should be shopping more since they unfairly get paid more at the workplace even though women work just as hard. The wage inequality between men and women is disgusting and needs to be fixed.

Women and Men Be Shopping!
You can’t stop women or men from shopping!
Actually you can stop women or men from shopping if you ask them nicely enough. But mostly you should respect their boundaries.

I Be Shopping!
And I’m a man. I don’t feel like a woman because I be shopping. Although if I did feel like a woman I would feel comfortable telling you guys because you’re all so open and accepting of who I am.

I respect all women and men especially but not limited to when they be shopping.

No one is bad, everyone is good. Also shopping is a thing that humans do occasionally.

Historically we have thought women were the ones who did the shopping in a household and that is not true and honestly offensive. I’m very sorry for the mistakes we have made in our society.

If you’re a woman who shops, right on! If you’re a woman who does not shop, right on! Would you like to split a kombucha? I’ll buy it, unless you feel like buying it. It’s up to you. We can also split it if you’re shopping neutral. Let me know, because I love you no matter what happens in this scenario.

Women Be Shopping, wait no I’m sorry, what I meant to say was women be individuals.

About Cornell Reid

Cornell is a super funny dude who consistently cracks everyone he comes into contact with up. He kinda has the midas touch but for laughs not gold, which is way way less valuable. Cornell grew up in Arcata and everyone said he was "hella tight." Now he lives in LA where he is a very popular stand-up comedian. All of his audiences refer to him as "hella tight." The president recently held a press conference where he said "the country may be going to shit but at least Cornell is hella tight."

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