Before we at Savage Henry had our vineyard repossessed by the IRS. (Apparently comedy magazines are not tax exempt and cannot be claimed as churches) We were in the beginning stages of a nationwide wine ad campaign. Here are the cream of the crop off wine slogans… well, at least the ones that don’t feature explicit sexual imagery or compromising photos of our editors.
Chardonnay: Your husband may have left you for that Bennigan’s waitress with the perky tits but hey…It’s LADIES NIGHT!
Merlot: It’s what Martha Stewart is made of.
Bejules: Who is ready for some hot man-on-man action?… I mean, let’s drink.
Zinfandel: Someone has got to yell sexually explicit things at your cousin’s wedding, and you could be that someone.
Riesling: You told that family of four you were a doctor.
Pinot Grigio: There is glitter everywhere. Jesus Christ…oh, and you killed that hooker.
Moscato: Happy 45th birthday; you’re drunk at a candy store. Now dry those tears.
Syrah: You can’t get a DUI wearing glasses and a scarf.
Sauvignon Blanc: The taste of a loveless marriage.
Chianti: You’re the fanciest hobo; it’s time to drink like it.
Cabernet Sauvignon: It’s what’s inside JESUS! So wrap your lips around him and start sucking.