The Glorious Art of Writing

Andre Parker, contributor

Hello there! Hi. Welcome to my words bored reader! I am Andre Parker. World class writer of elegant things and wordsmith extraordinaire! I’ve won awards for my writing that are of such high value and prestige that your weak and poverty-soaked eyes could only dream of viewing such a glowing mark of achievement! But have heart my inexperienced friends! I am writing this particular piece for you today not as a king among men, but as a man among smaller men! And women too! Little women as well!

Hello again! I’m Andre Parker. Lover. Eater of worlds. And loving father of nothing. So you are intrigued by the enchanting and wondrous world of wordcraft? Well, the pen is said to be mightier than the sword. Killing someone with words is a bit difficult, but it can be done and in many ways it’s much more rewarding than a blade through the neck, but I regress, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself…

Forming full and complete thoughts is one of the

 

  1. REPETITION-

    1. Hi there! It’s me again! Andre Parker! By now you’ve read my name a total of 4 times and you will surely not forget it by any means except possibly lobotomization . Repetition is a tool used much like color is used in a painting. By repeating something over and over again you are letting the reader know “Hey, this thing I keep saying is important and better than you! Don’t forget it!”-Andre Parker

  1. GRAMMAR-

  2. using grammar properly is what divides a master of the unspoken word from a mere “poop monkey” a true writer is beyond such restrictions and lets thoughts flow freely on to the page not worrying about thought out jail time and perimeters of chicken free guilt in the slightest emphasis of sex logic even if sex it doesn’t make sense sex sex sex lol OMG

  1. REPETITION-

  2. Hi there! It’s me again! Andre Parker! By now you’ve read my name a total of 6 times and you will surely not forget it by any means except possibly decapitation. Repetition is a tool used much like fear is used in authority. By repeating something over and over again you are letting the reader know “Hey, this thing I keep saying is important and better than you! Don’t forget it!”-Andre Parker#2014

  1. BOOZE-

    1. All great writers know that words mean nothing unless they come from the trenches of prolonged alcoholism. Personally, I try to have at least 2 gin and tonics before I began a piece. Summoning the great gin genie helps loosen the hand and break down those pesky barriers that society places on us creative types like “Logic” and “Positive Energy”

  2. ALWAYS MAKE YOUR DEADLINE-

    1. A few months back I was asked by my wonderful and over-talented editor to write a piece about “Old Timey” things which was to be turned in by a specified date. Unfortunately, I owed the Korean cartels a sizable piece of my foot for breaking an “Old Timey” law involving an eel and fellatio… Long story short, if I hadn’t made that deadline with the Koreans, I would be dead.

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