Gnarzipan… a burly confection

The British have had more time to separate themselves by class than the Americans have. You can tell a tracksuit-wearing, corner-pub drinker from a banker blindfolded just by listening to them talk. Here, where your professors tell you to “chill, bro,” it’s not as black and white. If you stay away from the word ain’t and breathe through your nose, you can pretty much fool anyone into thinking you are educated. Unless, of course, you want to separate yourself on purpose

Cockney rhyming slang helps divide the classes over the pond. It uses the first half of a two-worded rhyming phrase to shit on the queens English. Here’s an example: Head rhymes with “loaf of bread,” shortened to “loaf,” as in, “I got hit in the loaf with a bloody cockle when I was trying to nick a plate of fish and chips.”

In American English, it can be the same, but more colorful and creative, with less football violence.

Have you heard any one say “tick-tick” or just “tick” when they like something?  You would think the use of tick comes from rhyming with sick, a strange corruption of its own, but really it went like this …

Sick >>>> Sick-le Cell Anemia >>>> Sickle Von Tickle >>>> Sickle Von Tick-Tick >>>> Tick.

The amount of ticks you use is directly related to the sickness of the thing. Free tacos? Tick-tick. Free rent? Tick-tick- tick-tick. (Feel free to make like a clock with your arms or tap where your watch should be.)

The marriage of two unrelated words also makes some funny-looking babies.

Gnarly (burled and rough) + Marzipan (Delicious Mexican peanutty confection) = Gnarzipan (“Whoa … crazy, dude.”). Variation: Killzipan, (killer+marzipan).

peanutty confection) = Gnarzipan (“Whoa … crazy, dude.”). Variation: Killzipan, (killer+marzipan).
Gnarly (burled and rough) + Jon Arbuckle (Garfield’s hapless owner) = Gnarbuckle (“Whoa … nuts, man.”). Variation: Killbuckle, shortened to Killbucks.

The adjective “gnarly” is kinda slutty and sleeps around.

Honorable mentions in the category of corrupted West Coast slang include:

2.9, meaning 2.9 seconds. Example: “I’ll be done masturbating in this public toilet in 2.9.”

Burrs, meaning burrito. Example: I’m going to grab a burrs and then head into this public toilet for 2.9.”

Rizzle, meaning a bong hit of a mixture of tobacco and weed. Example: “Why am I coughing up blood? It must be the rizzles.

Sha-ding, meaning Frisbee golf. It’s the sound the Frisbee makes when it hits the chains. Example: “Why can‘t I get a date? I’m so good at sha- ding. Screw it; where’s the public toilet?”

About Sarah Godlin

Sarah Godlin, one of the creators of Savage Henry, lives in the heart of Humboldt County, California. She has a bit of a Napoleon Complex, but all in all is a hell of a gal. She's responsible for the fold-in's, Catty Mean Girl, the Monthly Confessions, The parental Warning, many features and a grip of the other funny that make Savage Henry so great. She also wrangles writers. If you think you're a funny writer, get a hold of her. She can loud whistle, play harmonica and back a trailer into a tight space. She's a lefty and a Clippers fan. She's also a Raiders fan but don't hold that against her, she enjoys winning just as much as the next person. You can follow her on Twitter! You can send her emails! You can send her presents! 791 8th Street, Suite 5 Arcata, Ca 95521

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