Helpful Money Saving Tips

Danny Felts, contributor   

People are always going on about the federal poverty line, and how America, despite being one of the most productive countries in the world, has a rampantly growing impoverished class. People working two to three jobs, families living off a McDonalds salary. Quite frankly, it’s an unpleasant truth we face everyday, and many times outwardly ignore despite a growing gap between the very rich and very poor.

And people are going to tell you things that they claim will help you save money. Not eating out as much, wearing a sweater during the winter months to keep indoor heating to a minimum, riding a bicycle to forego gas costs and car upkeep. Pish to that.

If there is one piece of advice I can give to people as a person who’s not in debt, and lives comfortably enough it’s this: Be a white male in your 20s with no kids, and no significant other. Oh. You guys. There are so many levels of pleasure I’m experiencing right now just thinking about it. I might as well be Ferris describing Cameron’s dad’s Ferrari 250GT, because being a white dude with no real responsibilities is so choice. In fact, we can even take

that metaphor one step further and say that at this point in my life, I’m essentially that car. Shiny, unflappable, and certainly a vehicle for random strangers antics.

Sure, that day is coming where I’ll accidentally get knocked of my car jack while trying to reverse the miles on the odometer by running myself in reverse for an hour, and I’ll go careening off into a ravine, but you know what you guys, I’ll be better for it. Just like Cameron, I’m going to take that heat. And some of you are going to be like, “Danny, you don’t want that much heat…”

But I’m going to take it, you guys. I’m going to take it. Because hopefully there will still Obamacare by 2018.

Danny Felts is a comedian, writer, editor, and other things based out of Portland, OR. Follow his antics on Twitter @dannyfelts

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