When the Henderson Centaur awoke from its 352-year slumber in the remote coastal village of Eureka, it was confused. The half-man/half-beast was disoriented and angry. In a moment of absolute desperation, the creature began screeching, screaming and vocalizing its discontent in a frightened, abrasive manner. These sounds can be heard while strolling through Eureka’s Henderson Center, the captive beast expressing its agony and despair. Through inexplicable telepathic means, I was able to psychically connect with the Henderson Centaur, a group of humans who recreate the expressions of this creature in an auditory format. I inquired into their expression of sound, some which may even fall into the category of “music.”
Ben: So, let’s get right to it. Which one of you screwed a horse and created all of those centaur babies running around Eureka’s Henderson Center?
Henderson Centaur: Centaurus.
Ben: Is most of your music improvisational? When the hell are you going to get off your lazy asses and write some real songs?
Henderson Centaur: In mythology, Centaurus is the father of the race of mythological beasts known as the centaurs or Ixionidae. The centaurs are half-man, half-horse; having the torso of a man extending where the neck of a horse should be. They were said to be wild, savage, and lustful.
Ben: Just kidding about that last question. I sincerely appreciate the raw, untarnished expression that “comes” from improvisational music. What genre do you feel best defines what Henderson Centaur is doing?
Henderson Centaur: Mythology.
Ben: Why are you trying to keep the perpetrators of this wondrously chaotic noise anonymous? Do you guys think you’re Jandek or something?
Henderson Centaur: Ixion.
Ben: I understand you recently played your first live show on KHSU. How do you think it went? Did you receive any feedback on the performance?
Henderson Centaur: It was stated that after Ixion fell into insanity and was ostracized by his country, Zeus sympathized greatly with Ixion and brought him up to Olympus to dine with the gods.
Ben: What ever happened to that idea of starting a band that wrote songs about your dogs and your dicks? Is that Henderson Centaur? Why not just call the band Dog Dick?
Henderson Centaur: Here is where Ixion saw Hera, Zeus’ wife and queen of the gods. He instantly fell in love with her beauty and began to desire her sexually.
Ben: To me, the sounds created by your ensemble are unclassifiable in the best possible sense. What artists inspire your group to do what you do?
Henderson Centaur: Zeus soon became aware of the situation. He was in disbelief that Ixion would betray him and his sincere kindness so he set a trap.
Ben: What does the near future hold for Henderson Centaur? Are you going to take up Kid Rock’s offer to open for him at that white pride rally?
Henderson Centaur: Zeus found Ixion sleeping in a field and created a cloud figure of Hera. Zeus laid the figure, who was later named Nephele, next to Ixion.
Ben: Finally, everyone wants to know; would you immediately enter the porn industry if you were hung like a centaur?
Henderson Centaur: When Ixion awoke, he thought Hera was laying naked beside him and began to have sex with her.