The dollar bill contains many mysterious symbols which originate from who the fuck cares. Conspiracy theorists and nutballs alike have tried to decipher the deeper meanings of the imagery for years, citing the illuminati’s new world order, mind control, and reptilian alien bigfoot bullshit as the real reasons for the squiggly lines and eyeball pyramid crap that we all might just take for granted when we stuff those little bills into some poor suckers tip jar or G-string. I recently found a dollar and after the initial shock of doing so I decided to give it a closer look to see what my looney tunes associates have been talking about. Here is what I came up with:
I started with the back. The back of the dollar looks like the back of any one dollar at first glance, but when you look closely at that psychedelic eyeball big brother pyramid thingy, you can clearly see that the eye is actually a brown eye sandwiched between the buttocks of someone with an ass! What a bunch of shit.
Just to the right of the brown eye pyramid of course is that fuckin eagle with the sprig of marijuana in one claw and the lucky 13 arrows symbolizing the original 13 colonoscopies in the other (as we all already know), but upon closer examination you can clearly see that the eagle has 2 balls and a hard eagle dick under the striped shield. Go America! Fuck yeah!
After this thorough examination of the backside (ass) of the dollar bill, I folded it all fucked up and stupid like a crazy person would do and to my surprise: Across the top of the front of the bill it clearly reads, “EAT ME”. This has to be a message from the powers at the top informing me of my impending doom. What else could it be, right? And again with the single eyeball letting me know that I am always under the watchful eye of a pervert somewhere. I already knew that!
I unfolded the dollar and gave it one last look on the face of the bill. This has been fun and everything, but I didn’t find anything strange about it. Believe me, I tried.