If…

Mike Hulstrom, contributor

Parallel universes are like Sci-Fi cop-outs: most of the time they are used to flake out of sticky situations for the writers. But in rare cases, they spawn purely awesome scenarios. This article doesn’t really have anything to do with parallel universes, but I’m going pretend it does, because I’m one of those cheap writers I was talking about. Anyway, here are some dumb things I thought of:

If Bruce Wayne was a breakfast, the game would be called Eggo Batman.

If Mario worked at a grocery store, the game would be called Super Market Bros.

If GlaDOS was a captain, the game would be called Port Hole.

If Agent 47 lived in Humboldt, the game would be called Litman.

If Solaire of Astora worked at foot locker, the game would be called Dark Soles.

If Crash was more safe, the game would be called Seat Belt Bandicoot.

If John Marston had no friends, the game would be called Red Head Redemption.

If Sly worked at McDonalds, the game would be called Fry Cooper.

If Nate Drake had a map, the game would be called Charted (not to be confused with Sharted, a surprisingly more serious game).

If Pacman went to the gym (instead of just eating dots all the time), the game would be called 6-Packman.

If Toads were short, wide dicks, the game would be called Battle Chodes.

If the blocks were more awesome, the game would be called Boba Fettris.

If Lara Croft was pro-abortion, the game would be called Womb Raider.

 

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