Zeke Herrera, contributor
This weekend I was received a transmission from Robot George Washington Carver. I quickly stopped trying to mouth-catch bellybutton Oreos after several minutes and picked up a notepad. Here’s our conversation:
RGWC: Take me to your leader.
Me: I don’t really have a leader. Do you really think there’s somebody ordering me to catch cookies in my mouth? Also isn’t that more of an alien thing?
RGWC: It’s just an icebreaker.
Me: Ohh, who are you?
RGWC: Robot George Washington Carver.
Me: Like that dude that invented peanuts?
RGWC: Not exactly.
Me: Well, do you have any inventions for peanuts?
RGWC: Like tiny top hats?
Me: No, like things you invented with peanuts.
RGWC: Like tiny top hats made out of peanuts?
Me: Yeah, or like peanut jelly.
RGWC: That’s stupid, I did invent a peanut cover in chrome though.
Me: No, that’s stupid. You’re stupid!
RGWC: I know you are but what am I?… I am a robot.
Me: I didn’t mean to call you stupid earlier. Let’s get back on track. What do like to do on your off time?
RGWC: Kill all humans!
Me: Haha! Classic! What about dancing? Is there any dance style you prefer?
RGWC: No… Well, maybe interpretive dance.
Me: Weird. Well, where do you stand on the whole 2nd amendment debate?
RGWC: Over the pile of dead fleshy bodies that have inferior weapons to that of robots. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Me: Good one. Well, that’s all my time for today. Mainly because I have to find a different kind of food to roll into my mouth. Maybe something healthier and preferably cheaper. Can you think of anything?
Me: Alright, I’ll see you in the future.
RGWC: No you won’t, you die from choking on a can of soup.