Introducing the 750-Game-in-1 Mini DX, the Latest in Mall Kiosk Video Game Technology

Mike Spiegelman, contributor

 

As a shopping mall stand owner, I couldn’t help but notice you checking out the headline regarding the 750-Game-in-1 Mini DX. It’s shaped like a Nintendo Gameboy and a Playstation Vita joined by the screens to create a cross, comes with 750 built-in video games, many of them not variations of Pong and Breakout. Cutting edge video game-nology doesn’t have to come from GameStop or Best Buy. Skip those fire traps and trust the kiosk by the food court.

 

Specifications:

Directional Pad Plus: Featuring Up, Down, Left, Right, *and* Go Back.

Action Buttons: AX – Jump, B Circle – Fire, Y Triangle – Special, X Square – Bottle Service. Select and Start buttons included. Volume controls optional.

Takes batteries.

 

Games include: Pong, 2P Pong, 1P Pong, 0P Pong (demo), Breakout, Super Breakout, Mortal Breakout, Call of Breakout, “Pong”, Poong, Pooong, Super Pooong, Oh, Heavenly Dog! The Videogame aka Suuper Pooong, Loot Pong, Loot Crate Breakout, Hacman, Ms. Hacman, Professor Hacman, Super Hacpongbreakout, 2 Piece Chess, plus endless variations.

 

You can play the floor model, but batteries are not included. Only $99. I’ll throw in these fidget spinners. No? You’ll regret it. You’ll regret not buying shit from a kiosk for the rest of your life, I promise you.

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