You Kids Got it Easy

I don’t want to go on the “back in my day” tangent, but seriously, you guys get iPad’s and I had a stick with a plastic bottle tied to it. What’s up with that?

iWhatever – Yeah what does the i even stand for? If you got one of these things and you don’t know what one of the letters stands for you probably don’t really need it. I have an iPhone and I don’t know what the i stands for, but I’m a grown ass man and I can do what I want. iPads? Really? You’re 6. My iPad was a speak and spell.

Modern Gaming Consoles (Playstation whatever, Xbox whatever…) – I got one of these too, but again, I am a grown up. I’m proud to say I’m lucky enough to be an age where I always had video games. But my brother would never let me play our NES, which is what I had. And guess what else? It wasn’t vintage and cool. It was just cool.

Wrestling figures – This one really makes me mad! My wrestling figures kind of look like the guys that they were modeled after, but had no articulating limbs. The accessories were cool sometimes depending on the wrestler. Jake “The Snake” actually came with a little Damien, but eventually the paint would start to chip off. What do you guys have in this department now? Wrestling figures that ACTUALLY wrestle! This makes me mad. Why do you deserve this? Your wrestlers suck too. Imagine if Randy Savage had an action figure that would actually do elbow drops? How cool is that? But this technology is wasted on the likes of John Cena?

Dead things – We had those too. No complaints, that’s wholesome fun.

HD TV’s – So I had my NES and what did we play it on? A wood paneled monster that you had to turn a knob to change the channel. What do you have? A screen in the wall. It’s seriously the width of one you your damn iWhatevers. How fair is that? I had a cinder block with a screen in it and you have a beam me up Scotty screen from the future. You can even tell it what to do. What is this? “Back to the Future 2”

This Issue of Savage Henry Magazine – This issue is more or less for you. And I don’t mean to yell or seem upset. But honestly you should hear this. You guys have a decision to make. This digital world thing is cool in some parts, but it’s mostly whack. You already sort of get it considering that you’re reading this in an analogue publication. Analogue means not on your iWhatever. If you think this is cool, guess what? The analogue world is cool. People tell you to go outside all the time. I never went outside, but I did get to experience my world. I wasn’t overloaded with stuff to lock me into a concentration trap. Talk to people. Be weird. Read Savage Henry even though you’re normally not supposed to. But above all be yourself ‘cause we need more of that in this world. If you’re reading this you’re probably already cool. Continue that.


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