Last Words from all of the Presidents…

George Washington – Where’d my weed go?

John Adams – How come no one liked me?

Thomas Jefferson – Why did everyone like me?

James Madison – Make sure they name a city after me.

James Monroe – I was a better James.

John Quincy Adams – How come no one liked my dad?

Andrew Jackson – Fucking Indians.

Martin Van Buren – I look like a clown.

William H. Harrison – No one will be surprised, I’m fucking old.

John Tyler – Andrew Jackson’s a fag.

James K. Polk – Killed a bunch of Mexicans, YOU’RE WELCOME!

Zachary Taylor – My tummy hurts. (In a little kid voice)

Millard Fillmore – I don’t even know who I am.

Franklin Pierce – Where’d my gin go?

James Buchanan – Glad I didn’t have to deal with that shit. (Civil War)

Abraham Lincoln – I can’t believe this bitch made me go to a play.

Andrew Johnson – Why didn’t they like me?

Ulysses S. Grant – I won that shit.

Rutherford B. Hayes – Look at my beard.

James A. Garfield – That motherfucker shot me.

Chester A. Arthur – Unknown.

Grover Cleveland – I wish I was dead.

Benjamin Harrison – Grandpa, better make room. I’m-a comin’.

William McKinley – I hope no one builds a statue of me in a place I’ve never been. That would be dumb.

Theodore Roosevelt – I’m gonna die like a bull moose.

William Howard Taft – Man, I’m fat.

Woodrow Wilson – It’s colder than my demeanor out here.

Warren G. Harding – Faster sweet cheeks, faster!

Calvin Coolidge – Can’t have Coolidge without Cool. Ha ha. Oh, who am I kidding?

Herbert Hoover – But I thought everyone liked camping.

Franklin D. Roosevelt – What a terrific headache.

Harry S. Truman – I meant to say “The Duck Stops Here.” I’m a failure.

Dwight D. Eisenhower – I won that shit!

John F. Kennedy – Who farted?

Lyndon B. Johnson – Yee Haw.

Richard Nixon – Ok, I was totally a crook.

Gerald Ford – Betty was better drunk.

Ronald Reagan – Well. This fucking sucks.


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