Least Interesting Facts About “Wild” Animals

A lot of people think animals that aren’t cared for by humans are considered wild animals. But honestly, how wild are they? I’ve done some deep research into all the animals we all love to refer to as wild to see what their habits are and if any of them truly qualify as wild. The answers I found are bound to shock you and you will never look at these simple creatures as “wild animals” ever again.

Here are the least interesting facts about “wild” animals.

Pandas Laugh Anytime Anyone Says “Bazinga”

Pandas think Big Bang Theory is hilarious? Cool, dude. So does my aunt.

 

Giraffes Think Crocs Are Very Comfortable and Practical

Okaaaay, I didn’t even know giraffes wore shoes, let alone super boring ones.

 

Chimpanzees Voted For Mitt Romney

Yikes, what kind of wild animal votes for a mormon?

 

Flamingos Pass Out After Half a Glass of Wine

Weak, you think they could handle their shit. I’m not inviting them to my party.

 

Lions Think Subway’s Guacamole is Too Spicy

Lions look so ferocious, but they can’t handle that green diarrhea paste Subway calls guacamole?

 

Tigers Think Redman is a Member of Wu-Tang

After Wu-Tang made a song called Tiger Style, tigers all had to pretend to like Wu-Tang, but their lack of interest clearly shows when they tell you their favorite member is Redman who was, in fact, never a member.

 

Zebras Won’t Let Their Sons Play Football

I get it, football is very dangerous especially now that we’re learning more about the dangers of concussions. But come on, football is so bad ass!

 

Elephants Never Forget How The Hit TV Show “Cheers” Ended

If you ever run into a Cheers trivia night, elephants will give you a huge advantage. However if you want to talk about anything but Cheers then please steer clear of elephants.

 

Rhinos Don’t Believe in Sex Before Marriage

I didn’t even know rhinos got married, but yeah that’s pretty lame. You guys could be running around having sex with every rhino but nooooooo. I guess all rhinos are pretty ugly anyway.

 

Toucans Only Drink Decaf

Psh, really? Caffeine is gonna kill you? Give me a break.

 

Cheetahs Love To Run Fast Except in School Zones

One fact I never knew about cheetahs is how much they love to obey traffic laws. That’s not wild, that’s pathetic.

 

Lemurs Hate Jeopardy, Love Wheel of Fortune

They call Wheel of Fortune the thinking man’s show. Really?

 

Jaguars Aren’t Fans of Gay Marriage but Respect The Court’s Decision to Legalize

You’d think jaguars wouldn’t care at all because they don’t get married and a person’s rights have nothing to do with them, yet here we are.

About Cornell Reid

Cornell is a super funny dude who consistently cracks everyone he comes into contact with up. He kinda has the midas touch but for laughs not gold, which is way way less valuable. Cornell grew up in Arcata and everyone said he was "hella tight." Now he lives in LA where he is a very popular stand-up comedian. All of his audiences refer to him as "hella tight." The president recently held a press conference where he said "the country may be going to shit but at least Cornell is hella tight."

Check Also

Rejected Exit Surveys From Heaven’s Gate

Matt Redbeard, contributor   OPPODY All I know is before I couldn’t stop banging. It …