Letters to the editor #04 (c)

Dear S.H. Editor,

While A. Nus (SH #3, letters to the editor) has clearly spent a good portion of his life in the Humboldt pot industry, he’s misidentified the top tier of his cannabis industry hierarchy. Growers don’t belong in this hierarchy, because real growers actually grow and trim their own weed, thus avoiding hierarchy. People who need three cell phones, wreck custom trucks as often as they do and split for Costa Rica because they don’t know what to do with themselves on a rainy afternoon couldn’t possibly grow and trim enough weed to maintain that lifestyle. So, like an open sore in a murky swamp, they attract the leeches that make up the rest of the hierarchy. You can thank them for that. The people A. Nus mistakenly refers to as “growers” actually break down into two categories: “dope yuppies” and their “idiot offspring.” As an IO, A.Nus has probably never heard these terms because DYs and IOs surround themselves with suck-ups who would never use the term to his face.

Dope yuppies often look like old hippies, but drive Lexus SUVs and act like regular yuppies, except that they lack the education and social skills of the real petty bourgeois. What they lack in education and social skills they make up for in conspicuous consumption. These people bore easily and require constant entertainment, which is why they give lots of money to the Mateel. They’re eager to tell you they’ve been in Humboldt for 30 years, but they only mean April through October, and they can’t wait to get back to Hawaii or Costa Rica or wherever, and we can’t wait for them to leave.

Idiot offspring, on the other hand, have even less education and social skills than their parents, rarely leave Humboldt, and amuse themselves by driving like assholes and torturing small animals. They mostly pick on dogs and the homeless, but if they can find female homo sapiens dumb enough to get in their truck, they prefer to abuse them.

While marijuana remains a harmless herb and an effective medicine, no one can deny that these assholes belong behind bars, not because they grow pot, or pay people to grow pot for them (or at least promise to pay people to grow pot for them), but because they are assholes. Even as the social harm caused by prohibition continues to escalate, remember that we wrote those laws in order to provide sadistic prison guards and violent incarcerated criminals with a steady supply of fresh white meat. But considering California’s overcrowded prisons, bankrupt state government and flailing economy, white meat gets pricey. So, even though DYs and their IO really should spend a few years bending over for Bubba; watching them squirm as the bottom falls out of the pot market provides comic relief for the rest of us, at much less cost to the taxpayers.

Sincerely,

Boris Finepoint

I just sacrificed two California Condors to you guys (maybe the last two), and am currently seeking a jackalope to seal the deal. Keep up the great work.

PlazJax

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