Lionel Richie – Can’t Slow Down

Clyde McFadden, contributor

You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you most certainly can judge any Lionel Richie solo adventure by its cover!

This masterpiece of love and masculinity served as the soundtrack to my cat Mr. Jigglebeans’ first three months of intensive training as the world’s first grocery-shopping cat. I remember his specially-fitted cat pack full of bananas as he deftly dodged the dangers of 2:00 a.m. city streets while his cassette played Running with the Night. One night, we were chased by a band of hooligans, but thanks to Jigglebeans’ quick thinking, we stumped them in their tracks; the cassette player melted their cold hearts while I improvised the lyrics, “Hello, is it Jigglebeans you’re looking for?”

Lionel’s songwriting magic changed all of our lives. Those hooligans became Jigglebeans’ invisible guardians, like ninjas in the city streets protecting the world’s greatest feline. One of those hooligans is now a United States Senator who calls once a year to sing “Penny Lover” on the speakerphone with Jigglebeans.

Rating : 8 out of 12 cans of PBR!

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