List Of Accomplishments: 2017

Jason Melton, contributor


Learned basics of video editing

Got high score on every arcade game at Pizza Hut

Learned to read Tarot cards, successfully predicted 3 celebrity deaths 

Took up judo–after about a week, I bested my sensei, breaking his ribs. Dojo put my picture up in the place of his

Got Bill Gates to name his yacht after one of my accomplishments, the S.S. Nude Bear Wrestler

Just fucking around, I sang a note that had been previously unheard. To me it was no big deal, but my acapella group was weeping

Prepared and delivered a craft party sub to the Pope. He was so grateful, he guaranteed my entrance to Heaven, and I don’t have to believe in God

Fucked your mom (nude wrestled a bear)

About Savage Henry

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