Long Lost Journal of Charles Darwin’s Brother Duane FOUND!

Derek Luna, contributor

October 7, 1835  My continuing experimentations with herbs and plants will surely remove me from the long shadow my older brother Chuck has recently cast; with the publication of his most recent book, his fame and fortune grows; yet he seems unwilling to lend even a pence to his brother. No matter, I will continue my work from home rather than abroad, and soon people will be discussing the work of Duane Darwin, and scarcely remember Charles.

October 6  Continuing experimentation with Damiana flowers. Although native to the Central Americas, these specimens were discovered growing wild in my neighbor’s greenhouse. After threats of violence and a brief foot chase, the specimens were collected, dried, rolled, and smoked in my laboratory with my colleague, Professor Enos.

Oct. 7 Looked for my hat for 45 minutes today. Then realized I don’t own one.

Oct. 8 A particular Purple Lotus Nymphaea Caerulea was found to produce an effect of mild delirium. The Professor and I were amused for hours at how closely his name “Enos” resembles the word “Anus.”  When the effect of the plant subsided, his name still seemed funny, though not nearly as much.

Oct. 9 Slept in today… just not “feelin’ it.”

Oct. 10 A correspondence came from my landlord/mother. She informs me that the laboratory must be moved because I’m a “grown man” and should be “paying rent.”  Science remains underappreciated.

Oct. 11 Part way through our research today, Professor Enus put a handful of beans in a coin sack, and we found ourselves kicking it back and forth for hours. I scolded Enos for distracting me from my work, but yet we found ourselves kicking the sack again not an hour later.

Oct. 12 Smoked a Cannabis variety that left Enos and I quite famished. He ordered something new called a pizza pie. Although savory and not sweet like most pie, I believe we will be ordering again, and soon.

Oct. 13 I must say, I find this research so fascinating I can’t remember the last time I bathed or shaved.  

Oct. 14 Moved our experiments to the local theatre for the day. We find many of these plants when smoked make the theatrical performance much more hypnotizing. Many complaints were made about the volume of smoke we were making. We tried explaining that it was for scientific purposes, but complaints persisted. We were escorted from the premises after Enos occupied three seats by laying down for a brief nap.

Oct. 15 A dry spell has interrupted our experiments. Enos and I find ourselves unable to secure a stash of herbs. Considering a trip to the neighboring town to find an herb dealer and re-up on our specimens. Our research must continue, it’s only been a day since our last experiment and I already find myself “bummed.”

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