Looking for a New Start

Hi, I’m Chance Fleming, but I like it when people call me the Colonel, ‘cause I’m from a town called Sanders, and I’m basically the coolest guy there. You know? Like the fried chicken guy. I don’t eat fried chicken, but I might have to now that I think more about it. Well, I’m seeking a companion/roomie/F4L (Friend 4 Life) who is willing to just drop everything and help me start my shanty town.

I do not like the way my mother and Randall, my mother’s husband, her third in fact, are treating me. They have told me on many occasions as of late that I need to spend more time focusing on being clean. But I continuously inform them that I have very small pores in my skin for sweat to come out of, so in essence I have no need for bathing whatsoever. But mother and Randall continue to harp on me and force their very closed-minded and frankly barbaric rituals of what “clean” is.

Even more recently they have taken my computer away. Mother even had the gall to say that I may no longer keep my subscription to Guitar World magazine which I love so much. I am a very excellent guitarist. All of these factors mixed with the harsh realness of suburbia has lead me to say to myself: “I just cannot take this anymore.”

Please put a local place in your reply so I know this is real. Serious inquiries only PLEASE. I’m planning on being very, very busy trying to stay alive. Maybe you could do something fun like put a location on where we can put our boxes. And also, if you have access to boxes, that would be tremendously helpful and rad.And please, NO DRUGGIES. 420 Friendly. NO DOGS — they are dirty and get fleas and I hate both dirt and fleas.

 

About Matt Redbeard

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