How to Make Medical Waste Work For You

Lacie Wallace, contributor

 

Several years ago, I had my wisdom teeth out. When the dentist offered to dispose of them for me, I declined and took those suckers home. But I started to wonder… was there a way to make use of them? How could I ensure they didn’t go to waste? I tried to find a charity to donate them to, but none existed. For a long time, I wondered how to put them to work. If you have found yourself in a similar situation, fear not. I have done extensive research over the last few years to make sure nobody ever has to wonder again. Here are some ways to make your medical waste work for you.

Jewelry

I settled on turning my wisdom teeth into brass knuckles. Now they don’t go to waste, and I feel much safer late at night. Consider turning any teeth, bone spurs, cysts (dip them in epoxy first), small tumors, or fingers/toes lost to power tool accidents into fun and fancy jewelry. If you’re feeling it, you can add some gems or glitter to make them sparkle. BONUS: When you reach into your coin purse make sure everyone sees your badass appendix scar.

 

Functional accessories

A gallbladder can become a cute clutch for nights out. An appendix easily becomes a coin purse. A bad kidney makes a great coaster. An amputated hand becomes a great jewelry display. Tip: Consult with your local taxidermist to ensure proper preservation to avoid complications later on.

 

Décor

Think of the conversation starters! Cut yourself working in the yard? Throw that blood into a vase, add some water, put a floating candle in it, and you’ve got yourself a nice Halloween decoration. BONUS: Put some carnations in it to soak it up and turn their edges red!

 

Crafts

Think that placenta is just for eating? WRONG. Crush it up and mix it into some water, and you have yourself a nice dye for paper, yarn, or fabric. All natural. And when someone asks you where you found something that beautiful shade of burgundy, you can proudly answer, “I literally made it.”

 

Sales

There are a few organs you can sell and survive. But I can’t legally condone that so I have to now say, “You can’t legally sell any of your organs.”

 

Hopefully this helps you put your spare body parts to work for you. You’ll never let the doctor take them away for disposal again!

About Savage Henry

Check Also

Rejected Exit Surveys From Heaven’s Gate

Matt Redbeard, contributor   OPPODY All I know is before I couldn’t stop banging. It …