Brian Blank, contributor
You ever get in an argument with someone that has more money than you? You fucking lost that argument didn’t you? That’s why when I have money I’m going to say the stupidest shit I can think of. I’m going to say shit like “Hey! Did you know that squirrels actually wanted to be whales? Yep, I paid someone a million dollars to do some research for me, and guess what? Squirrels actually wanted to be whales! Wanna fucking argue?” Alright, I just got a little angry at my dad just writing that. The point is that when you have money, not only can you buy things, you’re right on everything. You can tell people how to do their jobs even if you know nothing on the subject. When I’m successful I’m gonna call my dad everyday at 4 p.m. because that is probably one of his busiest times of the day, but that’s too bad because it’s also arguing time. If he doesn’t take my phone call, or if he hangs up on me, I’m taking away the car I bought him. Look, when you have money you don’t have to care about other people or their opinions. Also, you will find out that other people with money will help you out when you get yourself into an argument with someone that doesn’t have money. This is called using your success to berate unsuccessful people and this can be very effective at making the poorer person feel like maybe there is a reason why they don’t have money, and maybe that reason is because they are stupid. Because why else would they not have money?
Money is the root of all evil, but all of us are sinners. Money is so much more than just money though. Money is power. Money is security. Money is vindication that you are good at something. We all aspire to have more than the person next to us. I wish it was different and I wish I didn’t like money as much as I do. I would like it if I was more simple and didn’t like cool shit. But all cool shit costs money and I’m counting weed in that category.
We all want it for many different reasons, but finding ways to make money can be a bitch. Most of us have to go to a 9 to 5 kill-my-personality job. Few of us get paid to do what we like and what we are good at. So when you get there, flaunt it! Remember you have money because you are awesome and always right.