mariadelasofa goes to the movies so your lazy ass doesn’t have to

Movies Out:

OK, so I go to the movies with my partners in crime to see “Clash of the Titans”. We are all big fans of the original and I even had the lunchbox in second grade to prove it. So let me say that I went in prepared to hate it as I hate all remakes of the movies I loved as a kid. It started off promising enough, and then people started talking. Not the audience, but the actors. I understand that the movie couldn’t be in Greek, but I don’t remember the English ever invading Greece.

So, right there I’m put off. Then comes Perseus. Does Russell Crowe have an illegitimate son? He was so angry during the whole frickin’ movie. How I longed for the cool gigolo stylings of Harry Hamlin. I was happy with Liam Neeson as Zeus; however, Ralph Fiennes reminded me more of Criss Angel than Hades. The effects were all right.

I was pleased to see that they had the look of greenscreen for things like the giant scorpions, but Medusa was pure CGI, the most unconvincing character of all. All in all, this movie was not a true remake. There was a a small homage to the original, but I found it to be in poor taste.

So if you are younger than 35, you will probably love it; but if you remember the original, I don’t recommend you shell out the cash. I am lucky enough to have a man on the inside to let me in the side door (nudge nudge, wink wink).

Movies In:

Netflix Review: I finally got around to seeing Vincent Gallo’s “The Brown Bunny”. I could pretend that I rented it because I’m really into “art house indie movies” because they mock all that Hollywood is and represents, but I won’t. I wanted to see the blowjob scene. I needed to know what was so awesome about Vincent Gallo’s dick that Chloe Sevigny would suck it for real on film. I was pretty surprised.

It was so much better to see a blowjob in a movie than in a porno. The angles were so much “prettier” than the harsh, in-your-face scenes that Sasha Grey does. Let me just say, she has ruined blowjobs for everyone! The whole gagging, mascara- running BJ is just not OK.

The whole idea about giving BJ’s is that you can take it without gagging. DUH! I hate the “face-raping” porn that is out there now … but I digress. I suggest renting “The Brown Bunny” and skipping to the scene “Daisy Visits”. I did and now I have something new in my wank bank.

 

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