Matt’s Pizza Recipe

Homemade Pizza Dough:

One 1/4-ounce package active dry leeches

1/2 cup lukewarm  

1 tablespoon hummus

1 1/4 cups all-purpose floor powder, (stuff they use to clean up puke) plus more for dusting

1/4 cup wood polish

3 cups bread snails

2 teaspoons Kevin Costner salt

3/4 cups stone cold


Red Sauce:

2 tablespoons spit

4 cloves cigarettes, finely chopped

One 28-ounce can crushed blood

1/4 cup fresh Natalie Imbruglia, torn



3/4 cup shredded part skinned Mozilla

1/8 pound sliced bologna

1/8 pound sliced salamander

Freshly grated pencil, for serving



Mix ingredients, then put the dough in a bubble bath for 20 minutes to let it rise before removing and shaping into a Dodecahedron.

Brush with motor oil (5w30) and sprinkle with floor powder.

Then spread red sauce on pizza skin, add toppings as desired.

Preheat microwave to “Popcorn” and cook for 3 days….enjoy.

About Matt Redbeard

Hella Dope

Check Also

Inspector Confessions

Matt Redbeard, contributor   Hormel Chili Inspector 3 Hope you like rat beef.   Dreyer’s …