Which Member of the Breakfast Club Are You?

Spencer Devine, contributor

We all remember the classic 1985 feel-good teenage coming-of-age film The Breakfast Club. Like all of you, I have had the same question in my head for long as I can remember: which member of the Breakfast Club am I? Quizzes are fun, no pressure, just do your best.


  1. What describes how you feel about coaching a team of amateur little league hockey players and that  you’re stuck in a high school?

    1. Reluctant

    2. Excited

    3. Reluctant and excited

    4. Reluctant at first but then excited once the children remind you of your heart of gold.

  2. What is your favorite type of semi-aquatic bird when you’re in detention?

    1. Animated penguins, obviously, like little waiters, frickin’ cute.

    2. The Emu…?

    3. Penguin from Batman, Danny DeVito specifically.

    4. DUCKS

  3. If you were running away from your crazy principal, what champion little league hockey team would you be most afraid of losing to?

    1. The Russian kids

    2. The rich kids

    3. Yourself

    4. The GlobeTrotters

  4. If you could use any weirdly-coordinated Hockey formation to keep from getting another day of detention what would it be?

    1. The sitting B

    2. The lounging F

    3. The Flying V

    4. Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start

  5. When you are forced to sit at your desk because you got in trouble for gluing someone’s buns together, what name do you write at the top of all of your papers?

    1. Femilio Festevez

    2. Gemilio Gestevez

    3. Wemilio Westevez

    4. Reginald the Tickler

  6. You decide to go on a crazy dance binge with your new friends in the library; what is your favorite part of watching an amateur hockey game?

    1. Kiss Cam, I like when people get excited in their loins for victory

    2. The Zamboni. Gives me a zamboni if you know what I mean

    3. The thrill of the game, success of my kids — nah, actually the zamboni again.

    4. Peanuts

  7. Are you a nerd, jock, popular girl, goth girl, or burnout?

    1. Quack

    2. Quack, Quack, Quack

    3. Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack

    4. Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, etc.




Congratulations for finishing the quiz, I’ve already tabulated your results (yeah I’m that good at tabulating). You are calm, logical, and inclined towards total global nuclear war. You don’t like humans, you don’t not like them, you have no capacity for emotion but a tremendous craving for suffering and death. You love games.




About Savage Henry

Check Also

Inspector Confessions

Matt Redbeard, contributor   Hormel Chili Inspector 3 Hope you like rat beef.   Dreyer’s …