New Ways to Get High

Rocco Tenaglia, contributor

 

We see it every year: whip-its, bath salts, duster, airplane glue. Well, another year has come and gone, and with it desperate teens have found more, out-of-the-box ways to get high. Here are just a few of 2017’s most popular fads for getting fucked up.

 

Cartin’
By destroying cartilage in the external ear or nose, one can leak precious fluids into their bloodstream for a mellow 15-second high. Ladies love cauliflower ear, and what a rush!

Season 6

It was discovered in early March of 2017 that, during the printing process, the actual discs within the Frasier: Season 6 box set, were made of pure, uncut Colombian cocaine. eBay currently has prices for this particular volume of Frasier at nearly one hundred dollars PER DISC!

Prepping for a Paint Job

By lying down on one’s stomach and having a (trusted) friend cover your back in painter’s tape (preferably Frog Tape, but 3M works fine), the adhesive is slowly absorbed into your skin and you get a pretty major buzz. From here, more adventurous dragon-chasers may find it beneficial to just go ahead and paint ‘er up, being careful to inhale all of them sweet, sweet fumes.

Smoking Weed

Anyone ever tried this? It’s crazy.

Druff

This one’s in its infancy, but it’s already taking the world by storm because of how affordable it is. Simply shake the hair of a friend with scalp issues, collect their dandruff in a small container, and smoke it using your preferred method.  

Skateboarding

Studies have shown that participating in a fun activity boosts dopamine. See also: Jogging, Smiling.

Drinking a Pepsi

This one is all the rage in high schools in the Midwest. Teens pass around a bottle (or can) of pepsi until it’s empty, and whoever was the last person to drink it is beaten so viciously that they are sent to the emergency room and put on a morphine drip. Can you say ZONKED???

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