What Not To Say at an Oscar Party

“Hey, that Oprah, huh? What a bitch, right?”


“I wonder where Harvey is tonight? Was really hoping to get some face time in.”


“Why yes, I do have a couch in my office…why don’t you come in for an audition this week?”


“Yeah, I was a producer on Little Nicky.”


“I don’t have any cocaine.”


“I know I’m in the minority here, but I don’t think backwards Kangols look good on actors.”


“Where all the horny white guys at?!?!”


“Sure, Mr. Gibson, I’ll go get you another drink… What’s that about the Jews?”


“Thanks for the pamphlet, Mr. Cruise.”


“Meryl Streep looks like shit.”


“Hold my Four Loko, I gotta hurl.”


“Can you see my cock ring through this dress?”


“And the best picture goes to *pulls up dick pic on phone.*”

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