Aaron Pitcher, contributor
Despite the explosive proliferation of new marijuana strains in recent years, a perennial* favorite came out on top yet again Friday afternoon in a “heated” contest between the selections I, the author, could reasonably afford.
You see, this guy I know who knows this other guy who I also happen to know gets these two strains that are just primo. One is called “Orange U Glad,” and a more fitting nomenclature could scarcely be imagined. Open the bag — it’s like you got maced with some kind of citrus-based pepper spray. Smells like a Valencia orange got into a gang fight with a bunch of Navel oranges and they left his bleeding pulp to cook in the sun. Okay, maybe I’m getting carried away with the metaphors, but the stuff is good.
The other strain is even better. Named (also quite aptly) “Alpine Pass,” it’s like you’re burning pine needles. Like if a top-shelf gin and some righteous ganj had a baby. The cop would probably think it’s just your air freshener.
Unfortunately for me, I can’t swing the purchase of either variety without foregoing other little luxuries, like electricity or heat. Fortunately for me, this guy (the one I know, who gets supplied from the other guy we both know) keeps a couple of lesser strains on hand just for broke-asses such as myself, or to feed his dog Maggie when she’s been a good girl.
The first is called “Mudvayne,” and I would stress that the emphasis here is on MUD. Tastes like if smoking pot meant actually smoking the fuckin’ pot. A good one for Earth Day, maybe.
The other is that old standby, OG Kush. A little more of a head (and body) buzz than I’m looking for, but comes at a cost that will allow me to buy enough where I’ll only be jonesin’ for about a week before I can re-up. In my world, that’s a win.
Now, I don’t want this piece to cast me as some kind of connoisseur, which I most certainly am not. It’s impossible to recognize all the distinctions when you grew up smoking ten-dollar brick weed, and were happy to have it. No, my friends, we live indeed in the Golden Age of Reefer, and that is all thanks to the efforts of the growers. You folks are the best.
But y’all need to come down on your prices.