An open letter to Capt. Jean Luc Picard

Ensign Cornelius Smith, contributor

Hi Captain Picard. How’s it going?

I was just dropping a line to see if it was at all possible to switch my uniform color from red to any other color.

Rest assured, it’s not a vanity thing at all, more of a self preservation thing.

You see, I’ve noticed that when a lot of my shipmates who also wear red shirts go on an away team, well, how should I put this? Well, they don’t come back.

I’m sure it’s just a coincidence and all, but my grandma was half Ferengi and we all know how superstitious  they can be. I guess her superstitious streak lives on in me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with being on an away team, I did join Starfleet to see new and exciting places, but it seems we’ve been on a streak of bad luck lately with ensigns dying when they’re on these new and exciting planets. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I think they were all wearing red shirts. I know you yourself have a red shirt, well more of a dark maroon, but you don’t seem to be having any problems down there.

So if it’s cool with you I’d like to formally request a blue uniform or maybe one of them dope-ass yellowish gold ones that Lt. Worf wears.

Thanks for your time,

Ensign Smith

About Savage Henry

Check Also

The Best Way to Stay Anonymous at Your Next Craigslist Orgy

Cornell Reid, staff   Sometimes when you’re perusing craigslist you accidentally end up RSVPing to …