Opinion Column

Tony Persico, contributor

Extremely Awesome Ideas!!

Make milk that doesn’t expire.

Congress should be run like jury duty. You go to the mailbox and find out you’re a Senator.

Every reality show should be combined with another reality show immediately, cutting the number of reality
shows in half. This should be repeated ad infinitum.

Left handed people, mostly left handed women, should be in charge.

Mormons should not be allowed to write movies or run for office.

All drugs should be legal and free.

We should make the driving test way, way harder, and you have to take it more than once in your life. Global Warming solved!

Parents should start paying attention to their children, and teaching them to go out into the world able to take care of themselves and contribute to the benefit of all of us. Not all awesome ideas are funny.

Every person in jail or prison for drug related non-violent crimes should be immediately replaced by every mime, clown and ventriloquist.

Every month, we should get a prize.

If you’re going to carry a gun, you should have to do it naked.

I should be able to order drone strikes.

We should really read more. Seriously, it’ll help.

Instead of having 24 hour days, seven day weeks, and 52 weeks in a year, we should have four hour days, five days in a week, and 438 weeks in a year. The math works better.

People should stop saying impact when they mean affect.

They should combine Mad Libs with the Choose Your Own Adventure books.

We should find at least one person who knows what the fuck they’re doing.

Everyone should have to introduce themselves with the five words their best friends most often use to describe them while talking behind their backs.

People who think they have all the answers to the secrets of the universe should really keep their mouths shut.

Someone should give me a better job.

We should team up with bears. They look like they’d be fun to hug.

Until gay people can marry, no one should get married. Trust me, it’ll work.

I should put more time in to the articles I write for this magazine.

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