A Ouija Interview with Kurt Cobain

Matt Redbeard: Hey dude. What’s the afterlife like?
Kurt Cobain: Come as you are.
MR: Rad. Have you ran into any cool souls?
KC: I found my friends, they’re in my head.
MR: Way tight.
KC: I think I’m dumb.
MR: That sucks dude, I’m sorry.
KC: Rape me.

MR: What?
KC: The finest day that I’ve ever had, is when I learned to cry on command.
MR: I hear you.
KC: Hate me.
MR: Dude.
KC: Do it and do it again.
MR: I think we’ve gone off topic.
KC: All apologies.
MR: It’s ok dude.
KC: You know you’re right.

MR: Who’s your best friend up there?
KC: The man who sold the world.
MR: Hella dope!
KC: He’s the one who likes all our pretty songs.
MR: Honestly Kurt, who doesn’t. What do you guys do?
KC: Sit and drink pennyroyal tea.

MR: Tight. If we were hanging out what would you want to do?
KC: Chew meat for you.
MR: That’s weird.
KC: Pass it back and forth.
MR: Huh.
KC: In a passionate kiss.
MR: That’s weird.
KC: From my mouth to yours.
MR: Wow.
KC: I like you.
MR: Not today.

KC: Can you feel my love buzz?
MR: Oh you’re asking the questions now?
KC: Yeah.
MR: Ok, lay it on me.

KC: Where did you sleep last night?
MR: Under my bed.
KC: Hello, hello, hello, how low?
MR: I think we should stop this.

KC: Hey! Wait, I got a new complaint.
MR: What’s that?
KC: No recess.
MR: That sucks dude.
KC: I can’t hide.

MR: Is everything ok dude?
KC: No.
MR: What can I do to help?
KC: Load up on guns, and bring your friends.
MR: Ok dude, I’ll call them. You wait right there and I’ll let you know.
KC: I’m so horny, that’s ok.
MR: I’m done.


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