Keith D., contributor
It’s that time of night again: last call with no money. Time to make that specialty blend of all the unfinished and abandoned drinks in the bar. Not quite a Manhattan or a Long Island; it’s more of a Lower East Side (hold the gentrification). I call it the Hobopolitan. So grab an empty glass and get started.
The first thing you want to look for is any drink with a napkin or coaster on top of it. Now that last call has been announced, it’s open season on these neglected drinks. So pour it in your glass to get a potent base for your cocktail. And if any smokers come back for it, just blame the bartender. After all, it is last call and he’s just doing his job.
Next, look for discarded drinks around groups of people. You’ll want to keep a positive, “glass half full” outlook here (even if the glass is only a quarter full). Don’t be dissuaded by the bourgeois attitude of some of these wasteful drinkers. They’ll say things like, “Dude, that’s gross,” or, “I wasn’t done with that.” Fuck them. Revel in your depravity.
Lastly, go back to the bar and grab an orange slice or an olive or whatever bar fruit they have, drop it in your glass, and cheers to the mighty Hobopolitan. At the end of the day, either you get wasted or the drinks get wasted. Make the right fucking choice.