Post Harvest Blues

Jane Malone, contributor


Have you been harvesting all season, and now you can’t figure out what to do with your life? We have some simple suggestions that will make the transition from harvester to civilian stoner easier for even the most hardcore trim-o-holic.

  1. De-keif Your Hands

For some of you, it may have merely been days, but we know the hardcore have had a sticky greenish-black layer of sweat, skin, and keif for a couple weeks now. It’s time to break out that old bar of LAVA — or hell, maybe the turpentine — but, the fingers need to go back to skin color, dude. You’re freaking us out, and it’s becoming a fire hazard.

  1. Have You Thought About Laundry?

It’s just a thought. We love that Bob Marley shirt, too.

  1. Time to :::SHUDDER::: go outside?

We know it’s been a minute since you weren’t hunched over a trim table with tiny scissors glinting in the stale neon light of your kitchenette, but there’s a huge, beautiful world out there! Use some of this newly freed-up time to explore it for yourself, and BONUS — there’s FOOD OUT THERE!

  1. Get a Different Job

It sounds like rank capitalism, but the upside is that you can always put your newly honed skills to commercial use. Celebs and other wealthy people spend big money trimming and grooming their personal areas. Don’t feel like making rent by sculpting pubic hair? You can always maintain decorative topiary! There ARE other plants on this fine Earth of ours.

  1. Ummm… Smoke the Pot?  

Yeah, we figured you’re already on this, but we thought we’d remind you about the new season of Stranger Things, and have you seen GLOW? Marc Maron’s butt is in Episode 8. It’s totally worth watching. (The opinions of this article are solely those of the author; Savage Henry Magazine in no way endorses the ogling of Mr. Maron’s posterior).

  1. End of Summer Blow-Out

You deserve it! After all the amazing work you’ve done to bring green joy to our lovely masses, go ahead and celebrate your toil! No one understands the sweet relaxation of a well-earned bowl better than you, my friend, so, load one up, and call the circle in close!

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