How Do You Pronounce All These Goddamn Soda Water Names

Reefreeshee or Refresha? La Croy or La Kwa or La Crox? How are we supposed to pronounce all these soda water names? Why can’t they have easy names and not this snobby-ass European shit? Here are some lesser known soda waters on the market that tell a lot about the folks who drink them.


Sobare: Trying to get off the sauce is tough. When you spent your 20s and 30s with a cold one in your hand from morning until passout, you get used to that. So a nice cold Sobare helps you pretend you’re having fun at a BBQ while everyone else doing keg stands and making crank calls.

Pree Tent Cheeious: This party sucks. This music sucks. Getting drunk is so boring. I’m gonna go wait in line for brunch.

Kourt Ordeured: Too many DUIs in the last 6 months? Trying to get unsupervised visitation of your kids back? This is the nice tasting beverage for you!

Tren D’ae: This refreshing treat goes well while playing Pokemon Go! and listening to the Serial podcast.

Fattay McFatterson’s: Need to lose weight? Well drinking 65 Surge’s a day isn’t going to help…and diet soda actually makes you fatter, at least that’s what NPR told me once. Looks like you’re stuck with this one now.

About Chris Durant

Chris Durant has worked at not working for decades. He's the publisher of Savage Henry Magazine.

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