I Would Rather Hitchhike

RIDE NEEDED TO PHISH SHOW (Arcata)
Looking to get ride to Phish show on 4/30. Ass, cash, or grass, whatever you want. I am totally not a serial killer.

 

WOULD LIKE TO RIDE YOUR DRAGON (Freshwater)

Seeking ride to Redding while I wax philosophy and speak of all the political prisoners in the U.S. that should be freed. Mumia is my copilot. I am totally not a serial killer that will dump you in a ditch.

 

I AM A WANDERING SPIRIT (Carlotta)

Looking to go as far as you are. Our chakras will align as the 420 goddess monster consumes our souls into samadhi. I only ride with those on a macrobiotic diet, so if you’re eating a corn beef sandwich, I’ll rip your throat out. Namaste!

 

Ticket to Hell (Burnt Ranch)

Hail Satan! Here is your opportunity to provide transportation to one of the Dark Prince’s minions! Your service to the hellish hordes will not be forgotten after you die and your flesh is being flayed from your body for all eternity. I have not recently been a serial killer, making me an ideal passenger. I am 420 friendly and will pitch in on gas!

 

This Car Ain’t Gonna Ride Itself (Marysville)

Do you like moustaches? Do you like riding them? Let’s trade rides. I’m totally not one of those serial killers that would wear your skin like a suit. I’m cool like that.

 

I’M GOING TO MULCH YOUR FACE (King Salmon)

Looking for a ride from King Salmon to Hawkins Bar. Murder is as fun as getting a ride. I love murder so much, that I hope we can talk about murder while I murder every part of you. I’m totally not a serial killer, but I am 420 friendly. Will pay gas!

 

·    do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

 

About Josh Duke

Josh is an editor for Savage Henry Independent Times, He resides in Arcata, CA. When not performing stand up comedy or performing improv with Random Acts of comedy, you can follow him on Twitter @BonusMcHustle

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