What You REALLY Do With a Drunken Sailor

If you meet a sailor and you are not on a boat, chances are that he is drunk. What? How do I know he is a he? Because lady sailors are called “sailorettes” and everyone knows that. Please stop interrupting.

Do not attempt to shave his belly with a rusty razor. This is so beyond dumb and very freaking dangerous to both you and the sailor. You would be surprised how often this course of action is attempted. Do you always do everything you are told to do? You can answer.

You can ignore him if you choose. That is a thing you can definitely do. If you chose to approach him you can offer a greeting. “Hi” or “Hello” are useful and not inappropriate.

After initiating contact with the sailor you may explore Downtown New York with him, singing if you choose. You may become drunk with him and most importantly you must go to a cut rate tattoo parlor and get a tattoo. Snakes, anchors and hearts with daggers are within the realm of reason.

Again. No razors. Rusty or not, no matter what time of day it is. Use your head.

 

About Sarah Godlin

Sarah Godlin, one of the creators of Savage Henry, lives in the heart of Humboldt County, California. She has a bit of a Napoleon Complex, but all in all is a hell of a gal. She's responsible for the fold-in's, Catty Mean Girl, the Monthly Confessions, The parental Warning, many features and a grip of the other funny that make Savage Henry so great. She also wrangles writers. If you think you're a funny writer, get a hold of her. She can loud whistle, play harmonica and back a trailer into a tight space. She's a lefty and a Clippers fan. She's also a Raiders fan but don't hold that against her, she enjoys winning just as much as the next person. You can follow her on Twitter! twitter.com/bloglin You can send her emails! godlin@savagehenrymagazine.com You can send her presents! http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/f2aa/ 791 8th Street, Suite 5 Arcata, Ca 95521

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